Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.
Of course, just because you see a warning sign doesn't automatically mean a child is being abused. It's important to dig deeper, looking for a pattern of abusive behavior and warning signs, if you notice that something is "off."
WARNING SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.
- Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).
- Doesn't seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.
- Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantruming).
WARNING SIGNS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.
- Is always watchful and "on alert," as if waiting for something bad to happen.
- Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.
- Shies away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.
- Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.
WARNING SIGNS OF NEGLECT IN CHILDREN:
- Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.
- Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
- Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
- Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.
- Is frequently late or missing from school.
WARNING SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Trouble walking or sitting.
- Displays knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his or her age, or even seductive behavior.
- Makes strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an obvious reason.
- Doesn't want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities.
- An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14.
- Runs away from home.
Information in this article courtesy of www.helpguide.org
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
What is Child Abuse?
There are several types of child abuse, but the core element that ties them together is the emotional effect on the child. Children need predictability, structure, clear boundaries, and the knowledge that their parents are looking out for their safety. Abused children cannot predict how their parents will act. Their world is an unpredictable, frightening place with no rules. Whether the abuse is a slap, a harsh comment, stony silence, or not knowing if there will be dinner on the table tonight, the end result is a child that feels unsafe, uncared for, and alone.
EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child's mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars. Examples of emotional child abuse include:
- Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child
- Calling names and making negative comparisons to others
- Telling a child he or she is "no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake"
- Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying
- Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment
- Limited physical contact with the child - no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection
- Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.
CHILD NEGLECT
Child neglect - a very common type of child abuse - is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might become physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as with a serious injury, untreated depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe.
Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.
PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE
Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It may be the result of a deliberate attempt to hurt the child, but not always. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child's age or physical condition.
Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline - ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.
PHYSICAL ABUSE VS. DISCIPLINE
In physical abuse, unlike physical forms of discipline, the following elements are present:
- Unpredictability. The child never knows what is going to set the parent off. There are no clear boundaries or rules. The child is constantly walking on eggshells, never sure what behavior will trigger a physical assault.
- Lashing out in anger. Physically abusive parents act out of anger and the desire to assert control, not the motivation to lovingly teach the child. The angrier the parent, the more intense the abuse.
- Using fear to control behavior. Parents who are physically abusive may believe that their children need to fear them in order to behave, so they use physical abuse to "keep their child in line." However, what children are really learning is how to avoid being hit, not how to behave or grow as individuals.
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: A HIDDEN TYPE OF ABUSE
Child sexual abuse is an especially complicated form of abuse because of its layers of guilt and shame. It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.
While news stories of sexual predators are scary, what is even more frightening is that sexual abuse usually occurs at the hands of someone the child knows and should be able to trust - most often close relatives. And contrary to what many believe, it's not just girls who are at risk. Boys and girls both suffer from sexual abuse. In fact, sexual abuse of boys may be underreported due to shame and stigma.
THE PROBLEM OF SHAME AND GUILT IN CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Aside from the physical damage that sexual abuse can cause, the emotional component is powerful and far-reaching. Sexually abused children are tormented by shame and guilt. They may feel that they are responsible for the abuse or somehow brought it upon themselves. This can lead to self-loathing and sexual problems as they grow older - often either excessive promiscuity or an inability to have intimate relations.
The shame of sexual abuse makes it very difficult for children to come forward. They may worry that others won't believe them, will be angry with them, or that it will split their family apart. Because of these difficulties, false accusations of sexual abuse are not common, so if a child confides in you, take him or her seriously. Don't turn a blind eye.
Most importantly, in the state of Oklahoma, if you have first-hand information or personal knowledge that a child is being abused or neglected, you are mandated to report the abuse to the Oklahoma Department of Human Services. Failure to do so could result in criminal charges being filed.
To report abuse or neglect of a child, please call: 1-800-522-3511.
- This article courtesy of www.helpguide.org.
EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child's mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars. Examples of emotional child abuse include:
- Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child
- Calling names and making negative comparisons to others
- Telling a child he or she is "no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake"
- Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying
- Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment
- Limited physical contact with the child - no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection
- Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.
CHILD NEGLECT
Child neglect - a very common type of child abuse - is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might become physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as with a serious injury, untreated depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe.
Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.
PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE
Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It may be the result of a deliberate attempt to hurt the child, but not always. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child's age or physical condition.
Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline - ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.
PHYSICAL ABUSE VS. DISCIPLINE
In physical abuse, unlike physical forms of discipline, the following elements are present:
- Unpredictability. The child never knows what is going to set the parent off. There are no clear boundaries or rules. The child is constantly walking on eggshells, never sure what behavior will trigger a physical assault.
- Lashing out in anger. Physically abusive parents act out of anger and the desire to assert control, not the motivation to lovingly teach the child. The angrier the parent, the more intense the abuse.
- Using fear to control behavior. Parents who are physically abusive may believe that their children need to fear them in order to behave, so they use physical abuse to "keep their child in line." However, what children are really learning is how to avoid being hit, not how to behave or grow as individuals.
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: A HIDDEN TYPE OF ABUSE
Child sexual abuse is an especially complicated form of abuse because of its layers of guilt and shame. It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.
While news stories of sexual predators are scary, what is even more frightening is that sexual abuse usually occurs at the hands of someone the child knows and should be able to trust - most often close relatives. And contrary to what many believe, it's not just girls who are at risk. Boys and girls both suffer from sexual abuse. In fact, sexual abuse of boys may be underreported due to shame and stigma.
THE PROBLEM OF SHAME AND GUILT IN CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Aside from the physical damage that sexual abuse can cause, the emotional component is powerful and far-reaching. Sexually abused children are tormented by shame and guilt. They may feel that they are responsible for the abuse or somehow brought it upon themselves. This can lead to self-loathing and sexual problems as they grow older - often either excessive promiscuity or an inability to have intimate relations.
The shame of sexual abuse makes it very difficult for children to come forward. They may worry that others won't believe them, will be angry with them, or that it will split their family apart. Because of these difficulties, false accusations of sexual abuse are not common, so if a child confides in you, take him or her seriously. Don't turn a blind eye.
Most importantly, in the state of Oklahoma, if you have first-hand information or personal knowledge that a child is being abused or neglected, you are mandated to report the abuse to the Oklahoma Department of Human Services. Failure to do so could result in criminal charges being filed.
To report abuse or neglect of a child, please call: 1-800-522-3511.
- This article courtesy of www.helpguide.org.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Signs of a Gambling Problem
With the availability of casinos nearly everywhere in the state of Oklahoma, it isn't unusual to find instances where individuals are addicted to gambling. The toll on the family finances can be devastating, and children often pay the ultimate price.
So how do you know if you or someone you know has a gambling problem? These behaviors may signal that help is needed:
1. Preoccupation. Problem gamblers spend a lot of mental energy thinking about the next time they will gamble, planning their strategy, or thinking of ways to get money for gambling.
2. Inability to stop or control gambling. Problem gamblers find that they cannot stop gambling when they want to. Maybe they decide to quit altogether, but then they still gamble anyway. When they gamble, they may try to control the amount of time or money they spend, but they are unable to stick to the limits they set. They often gamble until their last dollar is gone.
3. "Chasing" losses. Problem gamblers get a strong urge or idea to win back money that they have lost in the past. They may say, "If only I could win back what I've lost, I won't have to gamble anymore." More and more, they feel trapped. They start thinking that the hole they have dug is so deep that only a big gambling win can get them out of it.
4. Gambling to escape negative emotions. Problem gamblers may gamble in order to feel better temporarily, or to change their mood. They may feel angry, lonely, bored, anxious, or depressed, and they gamble to escape these emotions. Gambling feels like an escape from their problems. After gambling, the negative feelings return, as bad as ever.
5. Lying to conceal gambling. Problem gamblers have lied to their spouse, family, friends, or employer in order to hide or to minimize their gambling.
6. Borrowing to pay for gambling. Debts grow because of gambling. Bills are unpaid. Money that could be used to pay bills is used for gambling. Problem gamblers may have borrowed money from family or friends because of gambling debts. They may have sold possessions, stocks or bonds, borrowed from retirement accounts or savings, or gotten a second mortgage because of gambling debts.
7. Allowing gambling to jeopardize other parts of life. Gambling can ruin marriages, friendships, careers, school performance, and reputations. Divorce, bankruptcy, or legal problems are all closely associated with compulsive gambling.
8. Ambivalence about quitting or controlling gambling. A problem gambler may say things like: "I know I should stop but I love to gamble." "My wife/husband/partner/parents/children want me to quit but I'm not sure I do." "Maybe I can slow my gambling to the point where it is manageable." "I want to quit but don't think I can."
There are a number of new programs specifically geared toward helping compulsive gamblers. If someone on your case load needs help with gambling addiction, please call the CASA Office for resources.
- Parts of this article were excerpted from the website of Rhode Island Hospital, a treatment facility for gambling addiction.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect
Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children's needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
MYTH #1: IT'S ONLY ABUSE IF IT'S VIOLENT.
FACT: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.
MYTH #2: ONLY BAD PEOPLE ABUSE THEIR CHILDREN.
FACT: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don't know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.
MYTH #3: CHILD ABUSE DOESN'T HAPPEN IN "GOOD" FAMILIES.
FACT: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.
MYTH #4: MOST CHILD ABUSERS ARE STRANGERS.
FACT: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.
MYTH #5: ABUSED CHILDREN ALWAYS GROW UP TO BE ABUSERS.
FACT: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.
EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long-lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child's sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work, and at school. Some effects include:
1. Lack of trust and relationship difficulties. If you can't trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child - that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care. Without this base, it is very difficult to learn to trust people or know who is trustworthy. This can lead to difficulty maintaining relationships due to fear of being controlled or abused. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn't know what a good relationship is.
2. Core feelings of being "worthless" or "damaged." If you've been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings. You may experience them as reality. Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don't believe they can do it or are worth more. Sexual abuse survivors, with the stigma and shame surrounding the abuse, often especially struggle with a feeling of being damaged.
3. Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways. Adult survivors of child abuse can struggle with unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. They may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb out the painful feelings.
- Information courtesy of helpguide.org
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
MYTH #1: IT'S ONLY ABUSE IF IT'S VIOLENT.
FACT: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.
MYTH #2: ONLY BAD PEOPLE ABUSE THEIR CHILDREN.
FACT: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don't know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.
MYTH #3: CHILD ABUSE DOESN'T HAPPEN IN "GOOD" FAMILIES.
FACT: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.
MYTH #4: MOST CHILD ABUSERS ARE STRANGERS.
FACT: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.
MYTH #5: ABUSED CHILDREN ALWAYS GROW UP TO BE ABUSERS.
FACT: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.
EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long-lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child's sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work, and at school. Some effects include:
1. Lack of trust and relationship difficulties. If you can't trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child - that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care. Without this base, it is very difficult to learn to trust people or know who is trustworthy. This can lead to difficulty maintaining relationships due to fear of being controlled or abused. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn't know what a good relationship is.
2. Core feelings of being "worthless" or "damaged." If you've been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings. You may experience them as reality. Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don't believe they can do it or are worth more. Sexual abuse survivors, with the stigma and shame surrounding the abuse, often especially struggle with a feeling of being damaged.
3. Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways. Adult survivors of child abuse can struggle with unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. They may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb out the painful feelings.
- Information courtesy of helpguide.org
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