OUR CRY
(Foster Children of Today's World)
by Danielle Bush
We are lost, surrounded on all sides by pure darkness
We are alone, with no one to follow
We look up to the sky and we call on our creator
We ask him to guide us to safety
We hear no response so we continue to stand there in the darkness
We put our hands together and close our eyes
We try to think but our minds show us nothing but the darkness our eyes see
We hear a voice in the distance, but we can't understand what it is saying
We try to follow the voice
One by one we are swallowed into the blackness that surrounds us
The voice continues to speak from a distance
There are two children left, they are trying to find the voice
They cry out for help but the response is still unclear
They continue to walk until one of the two children is swallowed
The last child screams into the blackness,
Did you even try to find us or did you just think we would find you? DO you not understand that as we tried to find you the blackness has swallowed us up one by one? Did your heart not tell you to come father to find us? Did you not know that we were blind and could not survive alone? When we needed you the most you let us down. Now we have been swallowed by this blackness and it will be harder to reach us!
THE END
Something to contemplate on a Wednesday morning...
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, October 11, 2010
Ten Tips for Effective Parenting
Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world...and sometimes, we are our own worst critics. How many times have you asked yourself, "Am I doing everything I can to be a good parent?"
Here are some strategies you can implement today to increase your effectiveness in the role of parent:
1. Hug your child. Feeling loved and safe helps your child build confidence and a sense of worth. Physical affection is important. Your child also needs to hear, "I love you."
2. Monitor your child. It helps ensure safety and it shows that you care. Young children need to be watched constantly. Play with your child, too. As children get older, know where they are, who they are with, and where they are going. Get to know your child's friends and their parents. Encourage friendships built around healthy interests and values.
3. Notice and reward good behavior. When you give your child praise and attention for good behavior, it encourages more of that behavior. Avoid "rewarding" only bad behavior with your attention.
4. Be consistent. Consistency reassures the child and is an important component of discipline. Set and stick to a regular routine for bedtime, meals, and homework, for example. Always follow through with consequences you've set for unacceptable behavior.
5. Set a good example. Let your child see you putting your values into practice. Be kind, honest, respectful, fair, and hard-working. Handle strong emotions, disagreements or other problems in healthy ways. For example, think before reacting to something your child does. Choose your actions with care.
6. Challenge your child. This helps him or her build confidence and independence. Give the child a chance to try new things, solve problems, and learn from mistakes. Children need responsibilities and goals.
7. Talk with your child. Stay connected and be aware of what the child is thinking, feeling, and doing. Ask about what he or she learned at school and did with friends.
8. Foster good health. Make sure your child gets three healthy meals a day, plenty of sleep, and at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity.
9. Read together. Read to younger children and let older children read to you.
10. Take care of your own mind, body, and spirit. This will help you maintain your energy. Ask for breaks when you need it. Get professional advice on parenting issues when you need to.
We all need to be reminded of these things. Feel free to share these hints and tips with the families you work with.
Friday, September 24, 2010
And Now, Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming
I just realized that I have not posted a blog on CASA Chat since May. So much for my pledge to do one post per week!
Please accept my apologies. It's been a little hectic this summer, what with budget cuts, family deaths, and other general excitement. I'm recommitting myself to posting weekly.
Is there something in particular that you'd like to know more about? Just place a comment on the blog and I will get to it.
In the meantime, do you have a CASA case that has a "missing in action" father? Have you tried to find him, or did you think, "Well, if he wanted to be in the child's life, he'd be in the child's life."?
There are lots of reasons fathers may be MIA:
1. Perhaps he has false ideas about what a father's role is. A man may believe that the father's job is limited to providing for the family and handling discipline. He may not realize how much more a father can do for his child.
2. He may not have had time to prepare to be a father. He didn't plan on being a father and he may not feel ready for fatherhood. But, he's helped create a new life and that creates some important responsibilities.
3. He may have had no example from his own father. Perhaps he never really knew his own father, either because his father wasn't around or was emotionally distant. These fathers are on a course to repeat the pattern with their own children.
4. He may sense that he's not needed. Fathers may feel that the mother can meet all of the child's emotional needs, which we know isn't true. Children need loving support from their fathers, as well.
5. Perhaps he went through a difficult divorce or breakup. When two people separate, bitter feelings often result. If the mother gets custody, the father may decide it's less painful to avoid the whole situation.
Oftentimes, fathers who are MIA are non-offending parents who can raise and care for their children. And sometimes, they aren't. Finding them and discovering what services they need to be a good parent is the correct approach for CASA volunteers. Permanent solutions can result.
We'll talk more about this in the coming weeks.
Please accept my apologies. It's been a little hectic this summer, what with budget cuts, family deaths, and other general excitement. I'm recommitting myself to posting weekly.
Is there something in particular that you'd like to know more about? Just place a comment on the blog and I will get to it.
In the meantime, do you have a CASA case that has a "missing in action" father? Have you tried to find him, or did you think, "Well, if he wanted to be in the child's life, he'd be in the child's life."?
There are lots of reasons fathers may be MIA:
1. Perhaps he has false ideas about what a father's role is. A man may believe that the father's job is limited to providing for the family and handling discipline. He may not realize how much more a father can do for his child.
2. He may not have had time to prepare to be a father. He didn't plan on being a father and he may not feel ready for fatherhood. But, he's helped create a new life and that creates some important responsibilities.
3. He may have had no example from his own father. Perhaps he never really knew his own father, either because his father wasn't around or was emotionally distant. These fathers are on a course to repeat the pattern with their own children.
4. He may sense that he's not needed. Fathers may feel that the mother can meet all of the child's emotional needs, which we know isn't true. Children need loving support from their fathers, as well.
5. Perhaps he went through a difficult divorce or breakup. When two people separate, bitter feelings often result. If the mother gets custody, the father may decide it's less painful to avoid the whole situation.
Oftentimes, fathers who are MIA are non-offending parents who can raise and care for their children. And sometimes, they aren't. Finding them and discovering what services they need to be a good parent is the correct approach for CASA volunteers. Permanent solutions can result.
We'll talk more about this in the coming weeks.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Warning Signs of Child Abuse and Neglect
Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.
Of course, just because you see a warning sign doesn't automatically mean a child is being abused. It's important to dig deeper, looking for a pattern of abusive behavior and warning signs, if you notice that something is "off."
WARNING SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.
- Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).
- Doesn't seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.
- Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantruming).
WARNING SIGNS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.
- Is always watchful and "on alert," as if waiting for something bad to happen.
- Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.
- Shies away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.
- Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.
WARNING SIGNS OF NEGLECT IN CHILDREN:
- Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.
- Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
- Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
- Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.
- Is frequently late or missing from school.
WARNING SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Trouble walking or sitting.
- Displays knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his or her age, or even seductive behavior.
- Makes strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an obvious reason.
- Doesn't want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities.
- An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14.
- Runs away from home.
Information in this article courtesy of www.helpguide.org
Of course, just because you see a warning sign doesn't automatically mean a child is being abused. It's important to dig deeper, looking for a pattern of abusive behavior and warning signs, if you notice that something is "off."
WARNING SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.
- Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).
- Doesn't seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.
- Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantruming).
WARNING SIGNS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.
- Is always watchful and "on alert," as if waiting for something bad to happen.
- Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.
- Shies away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.
- Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.
WARNING SIGNS OF NEGLECT IN CHILDREN:
- Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.
- Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
- Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
- Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.
- Is frequently late or missing from school.
WARNING SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:
- Trouble walking or sitting.
- Displays knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his or her age, or even seductive behavior.
- Makes strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an obvious reason.
- Doesn't want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities.
- An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14.
- Runs away from home.
Information in this article courtesy of www.helpguide.org
Monday, May 10, 2010
What is Child Abuse?
There are several types of child abuse, but the core element that ties them together is the emotional effect on the child. Children need predictability, structure, clear boundaries, and the knowledge that their parents are looking out for their safety. Abused children cannot predict how their parents will act. Their world is an unpredictable, frightening place with no rules. Whether the abuse is a slap, a harsh comment, stony silence, or not knowing if there will be dinner on the table tonight, the end result is a child that feels unsafe, uncared for, and alone.
EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child's mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars. Examples of emotional child abuse include:
- Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child
- Calling names and making negative comparisons to others
- Telling a child he or she is "no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake"
- Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying
- Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment
- Limited physical contact with the child - no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection
- Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.
CHILD NEGLECT
Child neglect - a very common type of child abuse - is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might become physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as with a serious injury, untreated depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe.
Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.
PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE
Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It may be the result of a deliberate attempt to hurt the child, but not always. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child's age or physical condition.
Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline - ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.
PHYSICAL ABUSE VS. DISCIPLINE
In physical abuse, unlike physical forms of discipline, the following elements are present:
- Unpredictability. The child never knows what is going to set the parent off. There are no clear boundaries or rules. The child is constantly walking on eggshells, never sure what behavior will trigger a physical assault.
- Lashing out in anger. Physically abusive parents act out of anger and the desire to assert control, not the motivation to lovingly teach the child. The angrier the parent, the more intense the abuse.
- Using fear to control behavior. Parents who are physically abusive may believe that their children need to fear them in order to behave, so they use physical abuse to "keep their child in line." However, what children are really learning is how to avoid being hit, not how to behave or grow as individuals.
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: A HIDDEN TYPE OF ABUSE
Child sexual abuse is an especially complicated form of abuse because of its layers of guilt and shame. It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.
While news stories of sexual predators are scary, what is even more frightening is that sexual abuse usually occurs at the hands of someone the child knows and should be able to trust - most often close relatives. And contrary to what many believe, it's not just girls who are at risk. Boys and girls both suffer from sexual abuse. In fact, sexual abuse of boys may be underreported due to shame and stigma.
THE PROBLEM OF SHAME AND GUILT IN CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Aside from the physical damage that sexual abuse can cause, the emotional component is powerful and far-reaching. Sexually abused children are tormented by shame and guilt. They may feel that they are responsible for the abuse or somehow brought it upon themselves. This can lead to self-loathing and sexual problems as they grow older - often either excessive promiscuity or an inability to have intimate relations.
The shame of sexual abuse makes it very difficult for children to come forward. They may worry that others won't believe them, will be angry with them, or that it will split their family apart. Because of these difficulties, false accusations of sexual abuse are not common, so if a child confides in you, take him or her seriously. Don't turn a blind eye.
Most importantly, in the state of Oklahoma, if you have first-hand information or personal knowledge that a child is being abused or neglected, you are mandated to report the abuse to the Oklahoma Department of Human Services. Failure to do so could result in criminal charges being filed.
To report abuse or neglect of a child, please call: 1-800-522-3511.
- This article courtesy of www.helpguide.org.
EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child's mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars. Examples of emotional child abuse include:
- Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child
- Calling names and making negative comparisons to others
- Telling a child he or she is "no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake"
- Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying
- Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment
- Limited physical contact with the child - no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection
- Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.
CHILD NEGLECT
Child neglect - a very common type of child abuse - is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might become physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as with a serious injury, untreated depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe.
Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.
PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE
Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It may be the result of a deliberate attempt to hurt the child, but not always. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child's age or physical condition.
Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline - ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.
PHYSICAL ABUSE VS. DISCIPLINE
In physical abuse, unlike physical forms of discipline, the following elements are present:
- Unpredictability. The child never knows what is going to set the parent off. There are no clear boundaries or rules. The child is constantly walking on eggshells, never sure what behavior will trigger a physical assault.
- Lashing out in anger. Physically abusive parents act out of anger and the desire to assert control, not the motivation to lovingly teach the child. The angrier the parent, the more intense the abuse.
- Using fear to control behavior. Parents who are physically abusive may believe that their children need to fear them in order to behave, so they use physical abuse to "keep their child in line." However, what children are really learning is how to avoid being hit, not how to behave or grow as individuals.
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: A HIDDEN TYPE OF ABUSE
Child sexual abuse is an especially complicated form of abuse because of its layers of guilt and shame. It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.
While news stories of sexual predators are scary, what is even more frightening is that sexual abuse usually occurs at the hands of someone the child knows and should be able to trust - most often close relatives. And contrary to what many believe, it's not just girls who are at risk. Boys and girls both suffer from sexual abuse. In fact, sexual abuse of boys may be underreported due to shame and stigma.
THE PROBLEM OF SHAME AND GUILT IN CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Aside from the physical damage that sexual abuse can cause, the emotional component is powerful and far-reaching. Sexually abused children are tormented by shame and guilt. They may feel that they are responsible for the abuse or somehow brought it upon themselves. This can lead to self-loathing and sexual problems as they grow older - often either excessive promiscuity or an inability to have intimate relations.
The shame of sexual abuse makes it very difficult for children to come forward. They may worry that others won't believe them, will be angry with them, or that it will split their family apart. Because of these difficulties, false accusations of sexual abuse are not common, so if a child confides in you, take him or her seriously. Don't turn a blind eye.
Most importantly, in the state of Oklahoma, if you have first-hand information or personal knowledge that a child is being abused or neglected, you are mandated to report the abuse to the Oklahoma Department of Human Services. Failure to do so could result in criminal charges being filed.
To report abuse or neglect of a child, please call: 1-800-522-3511.
- This article courtesy of www.helpguide.org.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Signs of a Gambling Problem
With the availability of casinos nearly everywhere in the state of Oklahoma, it isn't unusual to find instances where individuals are addicted to gambling. The toll on the family finances can be devastating, and children often pay the ultimate price.
So how do you know if you or someone you know has a gambling problem? These behaviors may signal that help is needed:
1. Preoccupation. Problem gamblers spend a lot of mental energy thinking about the next time they will gamble, planning their strategy, or thinking of ways to get money for gambling.
2. Inability to stop or control gambling. Problem gamblers find that they cannot stop gambling when they want to. Maybe they decide to quit altogether, but then they still gamble anyway. When they gamble, they may try to control the amount of time or money they spend, but they are unable to stick to the limits they set. They often gamble until their last dollar is gone.
3. "Chasing" losses. Problem gamblers get a strong urge or idea to win back money that they have lost in the past. They may say, "If only I could win back what I've lost, I won't have to gamble anymore." More and more, they feel trapped. They start thinking that the hole they have dug is so deep that only a big gambling win can get them out of it.
4. Gambling to escape negative emotions. Problem gamblers may gamble in order to feel better temporarily, or to change their mood. They may feel angry, lonely, bored, anxious, or depressed, and they gamble to escape these emotions. Gambling feels like an escape from their problems. After gambling, the negative feelings return, as bad as ever.
5. Lying to conceal gambling. Problem gamblers have lied to their spouse, family, friends, or employer in order to hide or to minimize their gambling.
6. Borrowing to pay for gambling. Debts grow because of gambling. Bills are unpaid. Money that could be used to pay bills is used for gambling. Problem gamblers may have borrowed money from family or friends because of gambling debts. They may have sold possessions, stocks or bonds, borrowed from retirement accounts or savings, or gotten a second mortgage because of gambling debts.
7. Allowing gambling to jeopardize other parts of life. Gambling can ruin marriages, friendships, careers, school performance, and reputations. Divorce, bankruptcy, or legal problems are all closely associated with compulsive gambling.
8. Ambivalence about quitting or controlling gambling. A problem gambler may say things like: "I know I should stop but I love to gamble." "My wife/husband/partner/parents/children want me to quit but I'm not sure I do." "Maybe I can slow my gambling to the point where it is manageable." "I want to quit but don't think I can."
There are a number of new programs specifically geared toward helping compulsive gamblers. If someone on your case load needs help with gambling addiction, please call the CASA Office for resources.
- Parts of this article were excerpted from the website of Rhode Island Hospital, a treatment facility for gambling addiction.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect
Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children's needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
MYTH #1: IT'S ONLY ABUSE IF IT'S VIOLENT.
FACT: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.
MYTH #2: ONLY BAD PEOPLE ABUSE THEIR CHILDREN.
FACT: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don't know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.
MYTH #3: CHILD ABUSE DOESN'T HAPPEN IN "GOOD" FAMILIES.
FACT: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.
MYTH #4: MOST CHILD ABUSERS ARE STRANGERS.
FACT: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.
MYTH #5: ABUSED CHILDREN ALWAYS GROW UP TO BE ABUSERS.
FACT: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.
EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long-lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child's sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work, and at school. Some effects include:
1. Lack of trust and relationship difficulties. If you can't trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child - that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care. Without this base, it is very difficult to learn to trust people or know who is trustworthy. This can lead to difficulty maintaining relationships due to fear of being controlled or abused. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn't know what a good relationship is.
2. Core feelings of being "worthless" or "damaged." If you've been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings. You may experience them as reality. Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don't believe they can do it or are worth more. Sexual abuse survivors, with the stigma and shame surrounding the abuse, often especially struggle with a feeling of being damaged.
3. Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways. Adult survivors of child abuse can struggle with unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. They may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb out the painful feelings.
- Information courtesy of helpguide.org
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
MYTH #1: IT'S ONLY ABUSE IF IT'S VIOLENT.
FACT: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.
MYTH #2: ONLY BAD PEOPLE ABUSE THEIR CHILDREN.
FACT: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don't know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.
MYTH #3: CHILD ABUSE DOESN'T HAPPEN IN "GOOD" FAMILIES.
FACT: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.
MYTH #4: MOST CHILD ABUSERS ARE STRANGERS.
FACT: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.
MYTH #5: ABUSED CHILDREN ALWAYS GROW UP TO BE ABUSERS.
FACT: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.
EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long-lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child's sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work, and at school. Some effects include:
1. Lack of trust and relationship difficulties. If you can't trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child - that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care. Without this base, it is very difficult to learn to trust people or know who is trustworthy. This can lead to difficulty maintaining relationships due to fear of being controlled or abused. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn't know what a good relationship is.
2. Core feelings of being "worthless" or "damaged." If you've been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings. You may experience them as reality. Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don't believe they can do it or are worth more. Sexual abuse survivors, with the stigma and shame surrounding the abuse, often especially struggle with a feeling of being damaged.
3. Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways. Adult survivors of child abuse can struggle with unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. They may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb out the painful feelings.
- Information courtesy of helpguide.org
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
