When you attend court on behalf of Tri-County CASA, there are a few expectations regarding your decorum in court. They include:
1. Dress appropriately. You do not have to wear a three-piece suit. Please do take care to make sure that you are wearing something that looks professional. For men, this can include a nice pair of khaki pants and a polo shirt. For ladies, a nice pair of dress slacks and a nice shirt or a church dress.
2. Do not bring any beverages (including bottled water) or any food items into the courtroom. If you need water for a specific reason, please let your Advocate Coordinator know and a cup of water will be furnished to you.
3. In a like manner, do not chew gum or eat candy while in the courtroom.
4. When the judge enters or exits the courtroom, always stand.
5. Please do not talk or whisper in the courtroom. It is already difficult for those in attendance to hear and is rude to the judge and the other parties to the case. If you did not hear or understand something, wait until afterwards to ask the staff member who was taking notes.
6. Wait for an appropriate time to address the court - usually at the end before the judge makes his or her rulings and orders. If you are addressed by the judge, please STAND where you are, listen to the judge's question, and then answer. Refer to the judge always as "Your Honor."
7. Cell phones in the courtroom are a no-no. If you must carry one, please set it to silent or vibrate. Some judges confiscate cell phones that go off during court, not to mention the fact that a ringing cell phone is disruptive to the proceedings.
8. Do not read magazines or newspapers or flip noisily through paperwork while in court. It is very distracting. You may bring reading material with you to court to review in the hallway before court begins.
9. Be careful what you say and do in the courthouse and on the courthouse premises. You can very rightly assume that you are being watched and your words are being noted by all parties to the case or their representatives.
10. In a like manner, do not register any positive or negative remarks, gestures, or facial expressions during or after the proceedings. If you have feelings or concerns about what occurred in court, please wait until you are safely within the walls of the CASA offices to discuss those concerns or issues.
11. At all times conduct yourself in a manner that communicates respect and deference to the court, specifically the judge and his or her staff.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Working With People You Don't Like
You come to the CASA role wanting to help other people and then, as you get into the meat of the work, you find that there are some people you come into contact with that are unlikable. Some have attitudes, some do not care about CASA at all and openly express their disdain, some seem to be trying to get on your last nerve. Some are passive-aggressive and abuse their power and authority.
It's frustrating and upsetting. It's a distraction. And, it's stressful.
So, how can you work effectively with a person you don't like and still maintain your sanity?
1. Listen. Seek to understand rather than to be understood. This is really difficult for most people, especially if you do not particularly agree with the person who is speaking. But everyone deserves to be heard, and you never know, you might find a kernel of information in what they have to say.
2. Conduct yourself in a professional manner. This includes acting with courtesy and respect. There are people in this process who do not see CASA volunteers as professionals. Prove otherwise by your demeanor.
3. Collect facts and document, document, document. Factual information is the stock and trade of a CASA volunteers. The facts you collect help the court to make good decisions. Keeping good records will ensure that you can transmit factual data always.
4. Remember: your role is to represent the best interests of the child. Don't get side-tracked engaging yourself in a war with an attorney, another party to the case, or another professional. You very well may have to work with the person again.
5. Remember the old adage, "Never argue with a fool. People may have a hard time identifying which one of you it is." It is perfectly fine to say, "It is apparent that you have your opinion on the matter, and I have mine. There is really nothing more to be gained by further discussion."
6. Practice "mindfulness." Stay present in the moment. Remember why you are involved with CASA. Remember that your credibility is very high with the court. Do nothing to diminish that credibility.
7. Talk to your Advocate Coordinator about your feelings and concerns. Do not confide in the foster parents, attorneys, or other collaterals.
8. Enjoy the experience of being a CASA volunteer. Knowing that you are helping a child navigate a difficult situation helps put everything into perspective.
It's frustrating and upsetting. It's a distraction. And, it's stressful.
So, how can you work effectively with a person you don't like and still maintain your sanity?
1. Listen. Seek to understand rather than to be understood. This is really difficult for most people, especially if you do not particularly agree with the person who is speaking. But everyone deserves to be heard, and you never know, you might find a kernel of information in what they have to say.
2. Conduct yourself in a professional manner. This includes acting with courtesy and respect. There are people in this process who do not see CASA volunteers as professionals. Prove otherwise by your demeanor.
3. Collect facts and document, document, document. Factual information is the stock and trade of a CASA volunteers. The facts you collect help the court to make good decisions. Keeping good records will ensure that you can transmit factual data always.
4. Remember: your role is to represent the best interests of the child. Don't get side-tracked engaging yourself in a war with an attorney, another party to the case, or another professional. You very well may have to work with the person again.
5. Remember the old adage, "Never argue with a fool. People may have a hard time identifying which one of you it is." It is perfectly fine to say, "It is apparent that you have your opinion on the matter, and I have mine. There is really nothing more to be gained by further discussion."
6. Practice "mindfulness." Stay present in the moment. Remember why you are involved with CASA. Remember that your credibility is very high with the court. Do nothing to diminish that credibility.
7. Talk to your Advocate Coordinator about your feelings and concerns. Do not confide in the foster parents, attorneys, or other collaterals.
8. Enjoy the experience of being a CASA volunteer. Knowing that you are helping a child navigate a difficult situation helps put everything into perspective.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
It's Child Abuse Prevention Month!
The following article appeared as part of a series in 2006 that was written by me for the Claremore Daily Progress in celebration of Child Abuse Prevention Month. Enjoy and share with other parents who might find this article insightful.
TIPS FOR BEING A NURTURING PARENT
A healthy, nurturing relationship between a parent and his or her child is built through countless interactions over the course of time. Being a parent requires a lot of energy and work, but the rewards are well worth it.
When it comes to being a parent, there are few absolutes and there is no one “right way.” One absolute is that all children need to be loved and feel safe. However, different parenting techniques work for different children under different circumstances. These tips are intended to provide suggestions as you discover what works best in your family. Do not expect things to be perfect; parenting is a difficult job!
HELP YOUR CHILDREN FEEL LOVED AND SECURE
• Make sure your children know you love them, even when they do something that doesn’t please you. Say “I love you” often. Other ways to communicate love include: apologizing to your child when you are wrong, telling the truth, smiling, hugging often, and saying “Good Morning!” cheerfully each morning.
• Become your child’s “cheerleader.” Encourage them. Praise their achievements and talents. Recognize the skills they are developing.
• Spend time with your children. Do things together that you both enjoy. Try a themed dinner-and-movie night; play checkers, cards, or dominos with your child; or just snuggle up on the couch with a good book.
• Listen to your children and give them the gift of your full attention.
• Learn how to use nonphysical discipline options. Many alternatives exist. Depending on your child’s age and level of development, these may include simply redirecting your child’s attention, offering choices, or using “time out.”
REALIZE THAT COMMUNITY RESOURCES ADD VALUE
Children need direct and continuing access to people with whom they can develop healthy, supportive relationships. To assist in this, parents may:
• Take your children to libraries, museums, movies, and sporting events.
• Enroll children in youth enrichment programs, such as sports or music.
• Use community services for family needs, such as parenting education classes or respite care.
• Communicate regularly with your child’s teacher or the staff of your childcare center.
• Allow your child to participate in religious or youth groups.
SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED IT
Being a parent is tough. No one expects you to know how to do it all. Challenges such as unemployment or a child with special needs can add immeasurably to family tension. If you think stress may be affecting the way you treat your child, or if you just want the extra support that most parents need at some point, try the following:
• Talk to someone you trust. Tell a friend, healthcare provider, or a leader in your faith community about what you are experiencing.
• Seek respite care when you need a break. Everyone needs time for themselves. Respite care or crisis care provides a safe place for your children so that you can take care of yourself.
• Call a helpline. Childhelp USA offers a national 24-hour hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD) for parents who need help or parenting advice.
• Seek counseling. Individual, couple, or family counseling can identify and reinforce healthy ways to communicate and parent.
• Take a parenting class. No one is born knowing how to be a good parent. It is an acquired skill. Parenting classes can give you the skills you need to raise a happy, healthy child. Locally, you can contact Family and Children's Services or the Parent Child Center of Tulsa. Additionally, your faith community may offer parenting classes, as well.
Accept help. You do not have to do it all. Graciously take offers of help from trusted family, friends, and neighbors. You will not be admitting weakness if you ask for help or a break. Everyone needs help from time to time. Do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for it if you feel that you need it.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Working Effectively with Families Impacted by Poverty
Several years ago, I attended a conference at which I was introduced to the book "Bridges Out of Poverty," by Ruby K. Payne, Ph.D., Philip DeVol, and Terie Dreussi Smith. It really is "must-read" material for CASA volunteers and anyone who is working with families impacted by generational poverty.
The book presents, in language that is clear, highly readable, and thought-provoking, a slice of what life is like for people who are living in poverty. Not all of the families we work with are poor, but I can think of several examples of families where generational poverty was one of the key issues of the case. This book helps those of us who have never experienced poverty at this level to try to understand why and how it happens and the specific challenges these families face.
For the next several weeks, I plan to blog about some of the issues and insights I gleaned from this book. I am toying with the idea of having an in-service series based upon it, and would like your input about whether or not you would be interested in participating. You can email me or leave me a comment about whether or not this would be of interest to you.
One of the most important aspects of working with families touched by generational poverty is an analysis of their support systems. We all need support systems to function in this life. Most of us have good support systems, which we often take for granted. These include: a savings account and/or a family member willing to lend money in a pinch; parents, grandparents or other trusted adults willing to care for our children in the event of an emergency; a working automobile and very often, a back-up vehicle; and other examples too numerous to mention here. You get the idea. Most of us aren't flying solo.
Linda Hall Whitman, in her book "Welfare-to-Work Management" states, "Welfare recipients can get hung up on the same everyday needs that draw from our momentum and focus: childcare, parenting, relationships, housing. But in the absence of financial or family backup, bumps can become insurmountable obstacles: reasons to miss work, or worse, quit."
In "Bridges Out of Poverty," support systems are defined as, "the friends, family, and backup resources that can be accessed in times of need." According to the book, these backup resources fall into seven general categories:
1. COPING STRATEGIES - the ways in which one copes with daily living: the disappointments, the tragedies, and the triumphs. Coping strategies are ways to think about things, attitudes, self-talk, strategies for resolving conflicts, problem-solving techniques, and the avoidance of needless conflicts. Coping strategies are also ways of approaching tasks, setting priorities, and determining what one can live with and what one can live without.
2. OPTIONS DURING PROBLEM-SOLVING - Options are all the ways to solve a problem. Even very capable adults often talk over a problem with another adult just in order to see other options they haven't considered.
3. INFORMATION AND KNOW-HOW - When a child has homework, who in the support system knows enough math to help the child? Who knows the research process? Who knows the ropes for going to college or getting a new-car loan? Who knows how to talk to the insurance agent so the situation can be clarified? Who knows how to negotiate difficult situations with a teacher and come to a resolution? Who understands the court system, the school system? Information and know-how are crucial to success.
4. TEMPORARY RELIEF FROM EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, FINANCIAL, AND/OR TIME CONSTRAINTS - When you are upset, who provides relief for you? When you aren't sure how you will get everything finished, who helps you? Who takes your children when you are desperate for a break? These people are all part of a support system.
5. CONNECTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE AND RESOURCES - When you don't have the information and know-how, who are the people you turn to for assistance? Those people are your connections. Connections to people and resources are an integral part of a healthy support system.
6. POSITIVE SELF-TALK - Everyone has a little voice inside his/her head that talks to him/her all the time. This little voice gives encouraging messages. These encouraging messages help one finish tasks, complete projects, and get through difficult situations. If an individual does not listen to this encouraging little voice, the success rate is much lower.
7. PROCEDURAL SELF-TALK - Procedural self-talk is the voice that talks an individual through a task. It is key to success. Many individuals in poverty have a very limited support system - and particularly missing is procedural self-talk. Many tasks are never finished. In numerous dealings with clients, social workers and employers often find that self-talk is simply not available to the client.
Parents who are on a track to be reunited with their children must have a support system in place to make a go of it. CASA volunteers should look at the family dynamics and find out where the resources and supports in these seven areas will come from.
The book presents, in language that is clear, highly readable, and thought-provoking, a slice of what life is like for people who are living in poverty. Not all of the families we work with are poor, but I can think of several examples of families where generational poverty was one of the key issues of the case. This book helps those of us who have never experienced poverty at this level to try to understand why and how it happens and the specific challenges these families face.
For the next several weeks, I plan to blog about some of the issues and insights I gleaned from this book. I am toying with the idea of having an in-service series based upon it, and would like your input about whether or not you would be interested in participating. You can email me or leave me a comment about whether or not this would be of interest to you.
One of the most important aspects of working with families touched by generational poverty is an analysis of their support systems. We all need support systems to function in this life. Most of us have good support systems, which we often take for granted. These include: a savings account and/or a family member willing to lend money in a pinch; parents, grandparents or other trusted adults willing to care for our children in the event of an emergency; a working automobile and very often, a back-up vehicle; and other examples too numerous to mention here. You get the idea. Most of us aren't flying solo.
Linda Hall Whitman, in her book "Welfare-to-Work Management" states, "Welfare recipients can get hung up on the same everyday needs that draw from our momentum and focus: childcare, parenting, relationships, housing. But in the absence of financial or family backup, bumps can become insurmountable obstacles: reasons to miss work, or worse, quit."
In "Bridges Out of Poverty," support systems are defined as, "the friends, family, and backup resources that can be accessed in times of need." According to the book, these backup resources fall into seven general categories:
1. COPING STRATEGIES - the ways in which one copes with daily living: the disappointments, the tragedies, and the triumphs. Coping strategies are ways to think about things, attitudes, self-talk, strategies for resolving conflicts, problem-solving techniques, and the avoidance of needless conflicts. Coping strategies are also ways of approaching tasks, setting priorities, and determining what one can live with and what one can live without.
2. OPTIONS DURING PROBLEM-SOLVING - Options are all the ways to solve a problem. Even very capable adults often talk over a problem with another adult just in order to see other options they haven't considered.
3. INFORMATION AND KNOW-HOW - When a child has homework, who in the support system knows enough math to help the child? Who knows the research process? Who knows the ropes for going to college or getting a new-car loan? Who knows how to talk to the insurance agent so the situation can be clarified? Who knows how to negotiate difficult situations with a teacher and come to a resolution? Who understands the court system, the school system? Information and know-how are crucial to success.
4. TEMPORARY RELIEF FROM EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, FINANCIAL, AND/OR TIME CONSTRAINTS - When you are upset, who provides relief for you? When you aren't sure how you will get everything finished, who helps you? Who takes your children when you are desperate for a break? These people are all part of a support system.
5. CONNECTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE AND RESOURCES - When you don't have the information and know-how, who are the people you turn to for assistance? Those people are your connections. Connections to people and resources are an integral part of a healthy support system.
6. POSITIVE SELF-TALK - Everyone has a little voice inside his/her head that talks to him/her all the time. This little voice gives encouraging messages. These encouraging messages help one finish tasks, complete projects, and get through difficult situations. If an individual does not listen to this encouraging little voice, the success rate is much lower.
7. PROCEDURAL SELF-TALK - Procedural self-talk is the voice that talks an individual through a task. It is key to success. Many individuals in poverty have a very limited support system - and particularly missing is procedural self-talk. Many tasks are never finished. In numerous dealings with clients, social workers and employers often find that self-talk is simply not available to the client.
Parents who are on a track to be reunited with their children must have a support system in place to make a go of it. CASA volunteers should look at the family dynamics and find out where the resources and supports in these seven areas will come from.
Monday, March 22, 2010
A Different Perspective: Drug Addiction as Illness
In rummaging around on the Internet today, looking for something cogent upon which to write, I came across the website for the Drug Addiction Treatment Centers, which is a clearinghouse for information on treatment facilities and drug addiction.
This website suggests that the United States is using the wrong approach with addicts, and I tend to agree. Incarceration of drug addicts is not the solution. Drugs are just as readily available in our penal institutions as they are on the streets. And living in a state (Oklahoma) where our prisons are bursting at the seams, it seems a different approach may be needed.
Here's what the website has to say on the subject:
The United States Justice Department's statistics confirm that the U.S. has more prisoners than any other country in the world. In 2006, that number was 2.5 million and continues to rise. Between 2000 and 2006, the nation experienced the largest jump in incarcerations ever. Criminal justice experts attribute the exploding prison population to harsher sentencing laws, particularly those related to illegal substance possession and use.
Whether addiction is an actual disease remains a hotly debated topic - one which probably will continue. Webster's defines 'disease' as follows: "Any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady, illness; disorder". Drug addiction certainly meets that measure; show me a drug addict and I'll show you someone presenting symptoms of illness, malady and disorder.
Drug addiction is responsible for many psychological problems; including, depression, mania, violent fantasies, etc. Drug addiction leads to serious physical ailments, including heart attack, stroke, organ failure and death.
The drug addict's life most certainly is one of "dis-order"; no longer able to hold a job, relate to other human beings, to care for their personal hygiene, there is no order to be found.
The child of an addict is 3-5 times more likely to become alcoholic/addict as well; bolstering the data that suggests there is a strong genetic (medical) link. Our country is in need of a serious shift in overall thinking about how drug addicts should be treated. Incarceration does not work, plain and simple. Few states have the money (or interest) to devote to providing treatment for addicts behind bars. In fact, statistics reveal that many addictions actually grow while in prison. The availability of drugs and the need (desire) to escape leads drug addicts to use more and for those not exposed to drugs in the 'outside world' to begin using.
With no treatment available and drugs easily obtained, how can we expect our prison population to achieve and maintain sobriety? It seems we cannot; at least, not at this point. The most recent data reveals that inmates who are serving time on drug-related charges experience the highest recidivism rates of all offenders. This is because (1) they've not been given any tools to work with while in jail, (2) once they are 'on the street' again they return to old circumstances and behaviors, and (3) even among addicts participating in recovery programs, relapse is fairly common.
If we cannot appeal to Americans' compassion, perhaps we can appeal to their greed. The cost of incarcerating an addict costs 10 times more than treatment does. And people who receive proper treatment are less likely to re-offend, so the savings can be quite significant.
There is a widely-held belief in America that Holland has a permissive attitude towards drugs. It does not. Rather, the country has adopted a more practical approach. Large-scale drug trafficking is still vigorously prosecuted. Drug use, however, is considered to be a public-health issue, not a criminal one. Addicts who are caught stealing or breaking other laws are prosecuted, but they are not arrested for possession.
The statistics show the gains made by the Dutch in their handling of drug abuse. Thirty years ago the population of heroin addicts in the Netherlands was estimated to have been 25,000 to 30,000. While the country's population has grown by 6 percent in the past three decades, the number of heroin addicts has remained virtually the same. Very few new users have joined their ranks and as the "old-timers" age, they are dying off, leading to a further decline in heroin use.
Wim van den Brink, a psychiatrist at the Academic Medical Center of the University of Amsterdam, sums up the country's drug policy this way "The view is that addiction is a brain disease and it requires treatment, not incarceration". This policy is responsible for a remarkable statistic: approximately 70 percent of Holland's drug addicts are in treatment programs; only 10-15 percent of America's are.
As Program Director of Tri-County CASA, I have watched for six years as drugs and alcohol have ravaged the parents whose children our program serves. Seventy-five percent of the children we advocate for come from homes where substance abuse is the norm.
Did you see that statistic above? "The child of an addict is 3-5 times more likely to become alcoholic/addict." That gave me a cold chill.
I'd like to hear your thoughts. What do you think about this article? What ideas do you have? How do we stay within our boundaries, but also encourage parents to get well so that they can be present for their children?
This website suggests that the United States is using the wrong approach with addicts, and I tend to agree. Incarceration of drug addicts is not the solution. Drugs are just as readily available in our penal institutions as they are on the streets. And living in a state (Oklahoma) where our prisons are bursting at the seams, it seems a different approach may be needed.
Here's what the website has to say on the subject:
The United States Justice Department's statistics confirm that the U.S. has more prisoners than any other country in the world. In 2006, that number was 2.5 million and continues to rise. Between 2000 and 2006, the nation experienced the largest jump in incarcerations ever. Criminal justice experts attribute the exploding prison population to harsher sentencing laws, particularly those related to illegal substance possession and use.
Whether addiction is an actual disease remains a hotly debated topic - one which probably will continue. Webster's defines 'disease' as follows: "Any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady, illness; disorder". Drug addiction certainly meets that measure; show me a drug addict and I'll show you someone presenting symptoms of illness, malady and disorder.
Drug addiction is responsible for many psychological problems; including, depression, mania, violent fantasies, etc. Drug addiction leads to serious physical ailments, including heart attack, stroke, organ failure and death.
The drug addict's life most certainly is one of "dis-order"; no longer able to hold a job, relate to other human beings, to care for their personal hygiene, there is no order to be found.
The child of an addict is 3-5 times more likely to become alcoholic/addict as well; bolstering the data that suggests there is a strong genetic (medical) link. Our country is in need of a serious shift in overall thinking about how drug addicts should be treated. Incarceration does not work, plain and simple. Few states have the money (or interest) to devote to providing treatment for addicts behind bars. In fact, statistics reveal that many addictions actually grow while in prison. The availability of drugs and the need (desire) to escape leads drug addicts to use more and for those not exposed to drugs in the 'outside world' to begin using.
With no treatment available and drugs easily obtained, how can we expect our prison population to achieve and maintain sobriety? It seems we cannot; at least, not at this point. The most recent data reveals that inmates who are serving time on drug-related charges experience the highest recidivism rates of all offenders. This is because (1) they've not been given any tools to work with while in jail, (2) once they are 'on the street' again they return to old circumstances and behaviors, and (3) even among addicts participating in recovery programs, relapse is fairly common.
If we cannot appeal to Americans' compassion, perhaps we can appeal to their greed. The cost of incarcerating an addict costs 10 times more than treatment does. And people who receive proper treatment are less likely to re-offend, so the savings can be quite significant.
There is a widely-held belief in America that Holland has a permissive attitude towards drugs. It does not. Rather, the country has adopted a more practical approach. Large-scale drug trafficking is still vigorously prosecuted. Drug use, however, is considered to be a public-health issue, not a criminal one. Addicts who are caught stealing or breaking other laws are prosecuted, but they are not arrested for possession.
The statistics show the gains made by the Dutch in their handling of drug abuse. Thirty years ago the population of heroin addicts in the Netherlands was estimated to have been 25,000 to 30,000. While the country's population has grown by 6 percent in the past three decades, the number of heroin addicts has remained virtually the same. Very few new users have joined their ranks and as the "old-timers" age, they are dying off, leading to a further decline in heroin use.
Wim van den Brink, a psychiatrist at the Academic Medical Center of the University of Amsterdam, sums up the country's drug policy this way "The view is that addiction is a brain disease and it requires treatment, not incarceration". This policy is responsible for a remarkable statistic: approximately 70 percent of Holland's drug addicts are in treatment programs; only 10-15 percent of America's are.
As Program Director of Tri-County CASA, I have watched for six years as drugs and alcohol have ravaged the parents whose children our program serves. Seventy-five percent of the children we advocate for come from homes where substance abuse is the norm.
Did you see that statistic above? "The child of an addict is 3-5 times more likely to become alcoholic/addict." That gave me a cold chill.
I'd like to hear your thoughts. What do you think about this article? What ideas do you have? How do we stay within our boundaries, but also encourage parents to get well so that they can be present for their children?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
An Interview With Antwone Fisher
One of my favorite books is "Finding Fish" by Antwone Quenton Fisher, a former foster child who has beaten all of the odds to become a successful author, screenwriter, and film producer. He also wrote the screenplay for the movie, "Antoine Fisher," starring Denzel Washington.
Antwone's challenges begin before he is born, when his father is killed by a girlfriend in a tragic accident. Born in prison to a single mother who has no means to care for him, he is sent to live with a foster family, where he endures near-constant verbal and physical abuse by those who shelter him. Antwone chronicles his experiences from personal memory and incorporates into his story accounts from the many caseworkers who tracked his progress and decline in the foster care system.
In his mid-teens, he leaves his foster family and enters George Junior Republic, a private institution where he begins to turn his life around. Not long after, as an emancipated minor, Antwone winds up homeless.
In order to avoid the dangers and uncertainties of life on the street, he enlists in the Navy, and he becomes a man of the world. During the course of his naval career, Antwone finally acknowledges the pain that his childhood has caused him, and he begins to deal with some of the rage that he has suppressed for many years. He creates a family for himself out of his comrades in the Navy, and he explores his own growing fascination with language and writing.
Recently, on the Harper-Collins website (the publisher of "Finding Fish"), I found this interview with Antwone Fisher:
Q. In Finding Fish, you describe your upbringing as a foster child in fairly stark terms. Do you think the foster care system is inherently flawed?
A. I would hate to sound pessimistic, but I think there are problems that can't be avoided like young people becoming social workers and deciding after a few months or a few years that they are going to do something different with their lives. That creates a situation where a kid has to get to know someone else all over again. Children arrive at a place where they don't trust the jurisdiction they are under and feel as though they are alone in their circumstance and that the social workers are only strangers passing through.
Another area of concern would be lack of resources for programs that could improve lives of children in foster care and educate the public to the need of good foster parents and adoptive parents and many other areas in this matter. I think that it's not a great enough priority to the powers that be to provide better lives for children in these unfortunate situations.
There are a lot of problems that would be solved if only the community would become more involved and volunteer to be mentors and extended family to foster children. I think that a child who is in foster care for two and three years, with no real feeling of permanence in a family will feel unwanted in the world. Adoption should be an option for those children.
Q. What was it like for you to read the reports of social workers and psychologists charting your experience in foster care? Why did you decide to include those third-person accounts in your memoir?
A. It was enlightening to read what my social workers had described in my childhood records. Reading their details was confirmation; it was proof that I hadn't dreamt the whole thing. That foster family actually existed.
I used the records in my memoir to validate my memory to others.
Q. Did reuniting with the Elkins and Fisher families change the way that you think about your place in the world?
A. Meeting the Fishers and Elkins made me more confident in my being. Finally, I had living proof that I came from somewhere. Yes, it makes me know that I have a place in the world and that I belong to something.
Q. Would you characterize yourself as a survivor? To what do you attribute your will to persevere in the face of the many obstacles of your childhood?
A. I suppose I would consider myself a survivor. We are all survivors in life; even people who have had better childhoods. You survive. I don't like the idea of saying survivor because it makes me feel handicapped. Feeling handicapped makes me feel that I am not as capable of succeeding as others. I've come to realize the power of words and I would rather not use that word in reference to myself. Call it pretending, but it works for me.
I was able to persevere because I wanted to be normal like I felt everyone else was. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to live. I never wanted the negative things my foster mother said about me to be true. I wanted to show others and myself that I am worthwhile.
Q. Did you ever learn what became of your first foster mother, Mrs. Strange? Did the publication of your memoir enable encounters with any other "lost" figures from your past?
A. While filming the movie, Antwone Fisher, in Cleveland, someone who knew Mrs. Strange had read the book and brought me her picture and told me that she had died some years ago.
I think I have met and reconnected with everyone that I felt I had lost. Everyone who was meaningful to me in someway. Even some members of my foster family showed up at book signings in Cleveland and in Florida. That was really bizarre. The most interesting encounters were reacquainting with my childhood friends such as Michael Shields, Sonya, Fat Kenny, and Freda. One of the saddest discoveries was that my foster sister, Flo, died in the spring of 1999, lonely and unfulfilled, of a brain aneurism. It broke my heart.
Q. The story of your life is not only the subject of this memoir, but also of a major motion picture. What aspects of your newfound fame have you found especially rewarding or challenging?
A. The most rewarding aspect of having a memoir and film about my life is that opportunity to write more, I would think. Having a voice, after growing up voiceless is a real accomplishment and I feel good about where I am. There haven't been very many challenges simply because people don't know what I look like, but I am still basically shy, so having to speak in front of people is challenging.
Tri-County CASA volunteers, if you have not, please take some time to read "Finding Fish" and/or to watch the movie "Antwone Fisher." A few years ago, Antwone Fisher spoke at a National CASA Conference, and he acknowledged that he would have benefitted greatly from having had a CASA volunteer.
So, when you feel as though the work you do is not terribly important to the world, think about what would happen if you weren't engaged in the work you are doing. You DO make a difference!
- Biographical information and interview with Antwone Fisher courtesy of the Harper-Collins website.
Antwone's challenges begin before he is born, when his father is killed by a girlfriend in a tragic accident. Born in prison to a single mother who has no means to care for him, he is sent to live with a foster family, where he endures near-constant verbal and physical abuse by those who shelter him. Antwone chronicles his experiences from personal memory and incorporates into his story accounts from the many caseworkers who tracked his progress and decline in the foster care system.
In his mid-teens, he leaves his foster family and enters George Junior Republic, a private institution where he begins to turn his life around. Not long after, as an emancipated minor, Antwone winds up homeless.
In order to avoid the dangers and uncertainties of life on the street, he enlists in the Navy, and he becomes a man of the world. During the course of his naval career, Antwone finally acknowledges the pain that his childhood has caused him, and he begins to deal with some of the rage that he has suppressed for many years. He creates a family for himself out of his comrades in the Navy, and he explores his own growing fascination with language and writing.
Recently, on the Harper-Collins website (the publisher of "Finding Fish"), I found this interview with Antwone Fisher:
Q. In Finding Fish, you describe your upbringing as a foster child in fairly stark terms. Do you think the foster care system is inherently flawed?
A. I would hate to sound pessimistic, but I think there are problems that can't be avoided like young people becoming social workers and deciding after a few months or a few years that they are going to do something different with their lives. That creates a situation where a kid has to get to know someone else all over again. Children arrive at a place where they don't trust the jurisdiction they are under and feel as though they are alone in their circumstance and that the social workers are only strangers passing through.
Another area of concern would be lack of resources for programs that could improve lives of children in foster care and educate the public to the need of good foster parents and adoptive parents and many other areas in this matter. I think that it's not a great enough priority to the powers that be to provide better lives for children in these unfortunate situations.
There are a lot of problems that would be solved if only the community would become more involved and volunteer to be mentors and extended family to foster children. I think that a child who is in foster care for two and three years, with no real feeling of permanence in a family will feel unwanted in the world. Adoption should be an option for those children.
Q. What was it like for you to read the reports of social workers and psychologists charting your experience in foster care? Why did you decide to include those third-person accounts in your memoir?
A. It was enlightening to read what my social workers had described in my childhood records. Reading their details was confirmation; it was proof that I hadn't dreamt the whole thing. That foster family actually existed.
I used the records in my memoir to validate my memory to others.
Q. Did reuniting with the Elkins and Fisher families change the way that you think about your place in the world?
A. Meeting the Fishers and Elkins made me more confident in my being. Finally, I had living proof that I came from somewhere. Yes, it makes me know that I have a place in the world and that I belong to something.
Q. Would you characterize yourself as a survivor? To what do you attribute your will to persevere in the face of the many obstacles of your childhood?
A. I suppose I would consider myself a survivor. We are all survivors in life; even people who have had better childhoods. You survive. I don't like the idea of saying survivor because it makes me feel handicapped. Feeling handicapped makes me feel that I am not as capable of succeeding as others. I've come to realize the power of words and I would rather not use that word in reference to myself. Call it pretending, but it works for me.
I was able to persevere because I wanted to be normal like I felt everyone else was. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to live. I never wanted the negative things my foster mother said about me to be true. I wanted to show others and myself that I am worthwhile.
Q. Did you ever learn what became of your first foster mother, Mrs. Strange? Did the publication of your memoir enable encounters with any other "lost" figures from your past?
A. While filming the movie, Antwone Fisher, in Cleveland, someone who knew Mrs. Strange had read the book and brought me her picture and told me that she had died some years ago.
I think I have met and reconnected with everyone that I felt I had lost. Everyone who was meaningful to me in someway. Even some members of my foster family showed up at book signings in Cleveland and in Florida. That was really bizarre. The most interesting encounters were reacquainting with my childhood friends such as Michael Shields, Sonya, Fat Kenny, and Freda. One of the saddest discoveries was that my foster sister, Flo, died in the spring of 1999, lonely and unfulfilled, of a brain aneurism. It broke my heart.
Q. The story of your life is not only the subject of this memoir, but also of a major motion picture. What aspects of your newfound fame have you found especially rewarding or challenging?
A. The most rewarding aspect of having a memoir and film about my life is that opportunity to write more, I would think. Having a voice, after growing up voiceless is a real accomplishment and I feel good about where I am. There haven't been very many challenges simply because people don't know what I look like, but I am still basically shy, so having to speak in front of people is challenging.
Tri-County CASA volunteers, if you have not, please take some time to read "Finding Fish" and/or to watch the movie "Antwone Fisher." A few years ago, Antwone Fisher spoke at a National CASA Conference, and he acknowledged that he would have benefitted greatly from having had a CASA volunteer.
So, when you feel as though the work you do is not terribly important to the world, think about what would happen if you weren't engaged in the work you are doing. You DO make a difference!
- Biographical information and interview with Antwone Fisher courtesy of the Harper-Collins website.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!
You're probably scratching your head over today's post and wondering, "What in the world does the movie 'Beetlejuice' have to do with CASA work?"
If you've seen the movie, you will remember that the main characters, Adam and Barbara Maitland, are killed in a car accident. After their death, they return to their New England farmhouse unaware of their new "undead" status, until the Deetzes, a hip, art-nouveau family moves in and starts making major changes to the Maitland's home.
The Maitland's take up residence in what was their attic, where they plot ways in which to drive the Deetz family away. In one of the scenes, Adam Maitland is working with a diorama, a small-scale replica of all of the buildings, roads, and land features of the quiet New England town they used to inhabit. Oh, and Beetlejuice, a two-bit, filthy ghost (bio-exorcist) has taken up residence in the diorama's cemetery, but that's another story for another day.
Back to the diorama...and my point. Think of the Beetlejuice diorama as your CASA case. You have all of the cast of characters identified. You've seen the environments in which these characters live and operate. You have a sense of the family's history. You're watching to see what the parties are doing and what they are not doing. You are not unlike an "eye in the sky," keeping tabs on what is happening with the case and bringing a report of those activities back to court when it's time.
This diorama example is a perfect representation of the CASA volunteer's boundary for involvement with the family. As a CASA, your role is not to effect any change on the parties to the case, but rather to watch and observe any and all changes and to report back to the judge regarding any progress that is being made.
This is a difficult proposition, because, after all, we're CASA volunteers. We signed up to help people. However, the CASA volunteer is only able to help the children on the case, not the parents.
Think about it. The parents are involved in a court intervention program because they need to identify weaknesses in their home environment. Recognition of these deficits is the first step in gaining the skills to correct the conditions that brought their children into care and to be a better parent for their children.
If the involved parties (DHS, CASA, the judge, the attorneys) make it too easy (i.e. doing the work for the parent), then those parents will learn very little and will be completely clueless when reunification time rolls around. Children who are reunified into these homes are much more likely to come back into temporary custody, with disasterous results.
Remember the diorama and your CASA boundaries!
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