Avoiding Miscommunication

Spell it out with me:

Clear

Open

Mindful

Meaningful

Unites

Notes

Intentional

Concise

Active

Truthful

Informational

Ongoing

Never give up!

Carefully Choosing Labels

In 1996, New York Times reporter Nina Bernstein wrote a story about a hidden chapter in jazz singer Ella Fitzgerald's life, when she was confined for more than a year in a juvenile reformatory as a teenager. Ms. Fitzgerald was reluctant to talk about this part of her life and when she died that same year, much of the story died with her.

But some details are known: Ms. Fitzgerald's stepfather abused her after her mother's death in 1937. An aunt living in Harlem gave 15-year-old Ella shelter, but the girl dropped out of school to make money. After she was found "running numbers," authorities sent her to the Colored Orphan Asylum in Riverdale, New York. The crowded orphanage sent "overflow" children to the state reform school. Ella was one of these.

Sometimes sent to the school simply for running away or truancy, the school's 88 black girls were segregated into two brick "cottages" and disciplined with beatings, solitary confinement with only bread and water to eat, and shackling. The school's English teacher remembered Ms. Fitzgerald as a good student: "I can even visualize her handwriting - she was a perfectionist." The teacher noted that the school had a good music program and was known for its choir, but Ella's voice never graced its concerts. The choir was all white. "We didn't know what we were looking at," the teacher said. "We didn't know that she would be the future Ella Fitzgerald."

Still under 18, Ella was paroled to Chick Webb's band, and less than a year later she won a talent contest at Harlem's Apollo Theater. The school's last superintendent, Thomas Tunney, asked, "How many Ellas are there? She turned out to be absolutely one of a kind. But all of the other children were human beings, too. In that sense, they are all Ellas."

Nina Bernstein ended her article with this question: "If she was almost lost to us, how many like her have been?"

Has a label like "juvenile delinquent" ever been applied to you? Did the label help others see you better or understand you more deeply? Why or why not?

The words we use to describe children have far-reaching impact. Speaking words and labels over children is the same as writing on the slate of their souls. Uplifting labels, such as "smart" and "kind" help children to see the positive aspects of themselves. Negative ones often cause children to live up to expectations.

Many of the children we work with as CASA volunteers have been labeled by their parents and other adults. It's our duty to look very closely at the children we work with and to understand that their precious souls are needy for kind words of encouragement.

You may be working with an "Ella."

A Self-Directed In-Service Option

It's been a while, CASA friends! If you're looking for something to do to get in-service hours, please think about reading the book I'm about to describe.

"One Kid At a Time" was written by Jake Dekker (not his real name) about his experience adopting his son, Danny (also not his real name), from the foster care system. As a CASA volunteer, you will relate to Jake's frustrations, Danny's sad story, and the happy ending that came about because an ordinary man chose to take a chance on a little boy who desperately needed a home.

Some of you may take issue with the fact that Jake is a gay man. I hope you will stay with the story until the end because it's an example of why we as CASA volunteers should not allow our own personal values and biases to get in the way of potential placements. Jake is very clear that he thought long and hard about how his life as a gay man would impact Danny, but in the end, Jake and Danny connected and Jake was able to provide Danny with the father and the home he wanted so much.

Because of his experience, Jake has become a CASA volunteer and an advocate for children who cannot speak up for themselves. That makes him a good guy in my book!!

There are two copies of this book in the CASA Office, but if you'd like to start reading it now, the first four chapters are available online:

http://www.jakedekker.com/books/

To receive in-service credit, track the number of hours it took you to read the book and write a short, two-page essay on the book - answering what the book was about, what information you received that will help you in your CASA work, and how you would have advocated for Danny if you had been his CASA volunteer.

Once you turn in your time sheet and the essay, you will be given credit for your work.

Happy reading!!

CASA is...

CASA is...

- A safe, permanent home, as soon as possible.

- A voice for children who are not in a position to speak for themselves.

- Getting to know some great kids who don't deserve the problems they have faced and letting them know they will no longer have to face those problems alone.

- Concern that you aren't doing enough and frustration that you can't do more.

- Lots of phone calls to people who don't have a clue who you are or why you're calling.

- Knowing the difference between a status hearing, an adjudicatory hearing, and a dispositional hearing.

- Wanting another case, but fearing you are not up to the challenge.

- Giving something back to your community.

- Realizing (yet again) that the world is not black and white and, in spite of that, making a recommendation that will affect the lives of many people.

- Filling up a three-ring binder, and then another, and then another.

- Leaving Claremore at 1:45 p.m. for a 2:30 p.m. hearing in Vinita. Speeding. Then finding out that your case won't be heard until 3:30.

- Gaining a new appreciation for social workers and attorneys and judges.

- Watching a dysfunctional family attempt to heal itself.

- Telling your CASA kids there is an upcoming hearing that may be difficult, and having them ask if you'll be there with them. Telling them you will.

- Realizing that you can make a difference in the life of a child.

- Filling out reports.

- One of the most challenging and rewarding efforts I have ever undertaken.

- Finding a safe, permanent home for kids who deserve a safe, permanent home.

- Unconditional love for kids who have never experienced it.

- Walking the walk after you've talked the talk for too long.

- Facing the fear that you may not be good enough or strong enough or smart enough to actually make a difference.

- Watching a 16-year-old child testify that her parent - who is sitting in the courtroom - has abused or neglected her for years, and beginning to understand the meaning of the word "courage."

- My gift to myself.


Original work by Robert Hendrickson, CASA Volunteer for Bracken, Fleming and Mason Counties in Kentucky. Some wording changed to fit our CASA program.

A Poem From A Foster Youth

OUR CRY
(Foster Children of Today's World)

by Danielle Bush

We are lost, surrounded on all sides by pure darkness

We are alone, with no one to follow

We look up to the sky and we call on our creator

We ask him to guide us to safety

We hear no response so we continue to stand there in the darkness

We put our hands together and close our eyes

We try to think but our minds show us nothing but the darkness our eyes see

We hear a voice in the distance, but we can't understand what it is saying

We try to follow the voice

One by one we are swallowed into the blackness that surrounds us

The voice continues to speak from a distance

There are two children left, they are trying to find the voice

They cry out for help but the response is still unclear

They continue to walk until one of the two children is swallowed

The last child screams into the blackness,

Did you even try to find us or did you just think we would find you? DO you not understand that as we tried to find you the blackness has swallowed us up one by one? Did your heart not tell you to come father to find us? Did you not know that we were blind and could not survive alone? When we needed you the most you let us down. Now we have been swallowed by this blackness and it will be harder to reach us!

THE END

Something to contemplate on a Wednesday morning...

Ten Tips for Effective Parenting

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world...and sometimes, we are our own worst critics. How many times have you asked yourself, "Am I doing everything I can to be a good parent?"

Here are some strategies you can implement today to increase your effectiveness in the role of parent:

1. Hug your child. Feeling loved and safe helps your child build confidence and a sense of worth. Physical affection is important. Your child also needs to hear, "I love you."

2. Monitor your child. It helps ensure safety and it shows that you care. Young children need to be watched constantly. Play with your child, too. As children get older, know where they are, who they are with, and where they are going. Get to know your child's friends and their parents. Encourage friendships built around healthy interests and values.

3. Notice and reward good behavior. When you give your child praise and attention for good behavior, it encourages more of that behavior. Avoid "rewarding" only bad behavior with your attention.

4. Be consistent. Consistency reassures the child and is an important component of discipline. Set and stick to a regular routine for bedtime, meals, and homework, for example. Always follow through with consequences you've set for unacceptable behavior.

5. Set a good example. Let your child see you putting your values into practice. Be kind, honest, respectful, fair, and hard-working. Handle strong emotions, disagreements or other problems in healthy ways. For example, think before reacting to something your child does. Choose your actions with care.

6. Challenge your child. This helps him or her build confidence and independence. Give the child a chance to try new things, solve problems, and learn from mistakes. Children need responsibilities and goals.

7. Talk with your child. Stay connected and be aware of what the child is thinking, feeling, and doing. Ask about what he or she learned at school and did with friends.

8. Foster good health. Make sure your child gets three healthy meals a day, plenty of sleep, and at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity.

9. Read together. Read to younger children and let older children read to you.

10. Take care of your own mind, body, and spirit. This will help you maintain your energy. Ask for breaks when you need it. Get professional advice on parenting issues when you need to.

We all need to be reminded of these things. Feel free to share these hints and tips with the families you work with.

And Now, Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

I just realized that I have not posted a blog on CASA Chat since May. So much for my pledge to do one post per week!

Please accept my apologies. It's been a little hectic this summer, what with budget cuts, family deaths, and other general excitement. I'm recommitting myself to posting weekly.

Is there something in particular that you'd like to know more about? Just place a comment on the blog and I will get to it.

In the meantime, do you have a CASA case that has a "missing in action" father? Have you tried to find him, or did you think, "Well, if he wanted to be in the child's life, he'd be in the child's life."?

There are lots of reasons fathers may be MIA:

1. Perhaps he has false ideas about what a father's role is. A man may believe that the father's job is limited to providing for the family and handling discipline. He may not realize how much more a father can do for his child.

2. He may not have had time to prepare to be a father. He didn't plan on being a father and he may not feel ready for fatherhood. But, he's helped create a new life and that creates some important responsibilities.

3. He may have had no example from his own father. Perhaps he never really knew his own father, either because his father wasn't around or was emotionally distant. These fathers are on a course to repeat the pattern with their own children.

4. He may sense that he's not needed. Fathers may feel that the mother can meet all of the child's emotional needs, which we know isn't true. Children need loving support from their fathers, as well.

5. Perhaps he went through a difficult divorce or breakup. When two people separate, bitter feelings often result. If the mother gets custody, the father may decide it's less painful to avoid the whole situation.

Oftentimes, fathers who are MIA are non-offending parents who can raise and care for their children. And sometimes, they aren't. Finding them and discovering what services they need to be a good parent is the correct approach for CASA volunteers. Permanent solutions can result.

We'll talk more about this in the coming weeks.

Warning Signs of Child Abuse and Neglect

Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.

Of course, just because you see a warning sign doesn't automatically mean a child is being abused. It's important to dig deeper, looking for a pattern of abusive behavior and warning signs, if you notice that something is "off."

WARNING SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:

- Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong.
- Shows extremes in behavior (extremely compliant or extremely demanding; extremely passive or extremely aggressive).
- Doesn't seem to be attached to the parent or caregiver.
- Acts either inappropriately adult (taking care of other children) or inappropriately infantile (rocking, thumb-sucking, tantruming).

WARNING SIGNS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:

- Frequent injuries or unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts.
- Is always watchful and "on alert," as if waiting for something bad to happen.
- Injuries appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt.
- Shies away from touch, flinches at sudden movements, or seems afraid to go home.
- Wears inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as long-sleeved shirts on hot days.

WARNING SIGNS OF NEGLECT IN CHILDREN:

- Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or inappropriate for the weather.
- Hygiene is consistently bad (unbathed, matted and unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
- Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
- Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments.
- Is frequently late or missing from school.

WARNING SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN:

- Trouble walking or sitting.
- Displays knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his or her age, or even seductive behavior.
- Makes strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an obvious reason.
- Doesn't want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities.
- An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14.
- Runs away from home.

Information in this article courtesy of www.helpguide.org

What is Child Abuse?

There are several types of child abuse, but the core element that ties them together is the emotional effect on the child. Children need predictability, structure, clear boundaries, and the knowledge that their parents are looking out for their safety. Abused children cannot predict how their parents will act. Their world is an unpredictable, frightening place with no rules. Whether the abuse is a slap, a harsh comment, stony silence, or not knowing if there will be dinner on the table tonight, the end result is a child that feels unsafe, uncared for, and alone.

EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child's mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars. Examples of emotional child abuse include:

- Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child
- Calling names and making negative comparisons to others
- Telling a child he or she is "no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake"
- Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying
- Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment
- Limited physical contact with the child - no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection
- Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.

CHILD NEGLECT
Child neglect - a very common type of child abuse - is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might become physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as with a serious injury, untreated depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe.

Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.

PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE
Physical abuse involves physical harm or injury to the child. It may be the result of a deliberate attempt to hurt the child, but not always. It can also result from severe discipline, such as using a belt on a child, or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child's age or physical condition.

Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline - ways to make children learn to behave. But there is a big difference between using physical punishment to discipline and physical abuse. The point of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong, not to make them live in fear.

PHYSICAL ABUSE VS. DISCIPLINE
In physical abuse, unlike physical forms of discipline, the following elements are present:

- Unpredictability. The child never knows what is going to set the parent off. There are no clear boundaries or rules. The child is constantly walking on eggshells, never sure what behavior will trigger a physical assault.
- Lashing out in anger. Physically abusive parents act out of anger and the desire to assert control, not the motivation to lovingly teach the child. The angrier the parent, the more intense the abuse.
- Using fear to control behavior. Parents who are physically abusive may believe that their children need to fear them in order to behave, so they use physical abuse to "keep their child in line." However, what children are really learning is how to avoid being hit, not how to behave or grow as individuals.

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: A HIDDEN TYPE OF ABUSE
Child sexual abuse is an especially complicated form of abuse because of its layers of guilt and shame. It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.

While news stories of sexual predators are scary, what is even more frightening is that sexual abuse usually occurs at the hands of someone the child knows and should be able to trust - most often close relatives. And contrary to what many believe, it's not just girls who are at risk. Boys and girls both suffer from sexual abuse. In fact, sexual abuse of boys may be underreported due to shame and stigma.

THE PROBLEM OF SHAME AND GUILT IN CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Aside from the physical damage that sexual abuse can cause, the emotional component is powerful and far-reaching. Sexually abused children are tormented by shame and guilt. They may feel that they are responsible for the abuse or somehow brought it upon themselves. This can lead to self-loathing and sexual problems as they grow older - often either excessive promiscuity or an inability to have intimate relations.

The shame of sexual abuse makes it very difficult for children to come forward. They may worry that others won't believe them, will be angry with them, or that it will split their family apart. Because of these difficulties, false accusations of sexual abuse are not common, so if a child confides in you, take him or her seriously. Don't turn a blind eye.

Most importantly, in the state of Oklahoma, if you have first-hand information or personal knowledge that a child is being abused or neglected, you are mandated to report the abuse to the Oklahoma Department of Human Services. Failure to do so could result in criminal charges being filed.

To report abuse or neglect of a child, please call: 1-800-522-3511.

- This article courtesy of www.helpguide.org.

Signs of a Gambling Problem

With the availability of casinos nearly everywhere in the state of Oklahoma, it isn't unusual to find instances where individuals are addicted to gambling. The toll on the family finances can be devastating, and children often pay the ultimate price.

So how do you know if you or someone you know has a gambling problem? These behaviors may signal that help is needed:

1. Preoccupation. Problem gamblers spend a lot of mental energy thinking about the next time they will gamble, planning their strategy, or thinking of ways to get money for gambling.

2. Inability to stop or control gambling. Problem gamblers find that they cannot stop gambling when they want to. Maybe they decide to quit altogether, but then they still gamble anyway. When they gamble, they may try to control the amount of time or money they spend, but they are unable to stick to the limits they set. They often gamble until their last dollar is gone.

3. "Chasing" losses. Problem gamblers get a strong urge or idea to win back money that they have lost in the past. They may say, "If only I could win back what I've lost, I won't have to gamble anymore." More and more, they feel trapped. They start thinking that the hole they have dug is so deep that only a big gambling win can get them out of it.

4. Gambling to escape negative emotions. Problem gamblers may gamble in order to feel better temporarily, or to change their mood. They may feel angry, lonely, bored, anxious, or depressed, and they gamble to escape these emotions. Gambling feels like an escape from their problems. After gambling, the negative feelings return, as bad as ever.

5. Lying to conceal gambling. Problem gamblers have lied to their spouse, family, friends, or employer in order to hide or to minimize their gambling.

6. Borrowing to pay for gambling. Debts grow because of gambling. Bills are unpaid. Money that could be used to pay bills is used for gambling. Problem gamblers may have borrowed money from family or friends because of gambling debts. They may have sold possessions, stocks or bonds, borrowed from retirement accounts or savings, or gotten a second mortgage because of gambling debts.

7. Allowing gambling to jeopardize other parts of life. Gambling can ruin marriages, friendships, careers, school performance, and reputations. Divorce, bankruptcy, or legal problems are all closely associated with compulsive gambling.

8. Ambivalence about quitting or controlling gambling. A problem gambler may say things like: "I know I should stop but I love to gamble." "My wife/husband/partner/parents/children want me to quit but I'm not sure I do." "Maybe I can slow my gambling to the point where it is manageable." "I want to quit but don't think I can."

There are a number of new programs specifically geared toward helping compulsive gamblers. If someone on your case load needs help with gambling addiction, please call the CASA Office for resources.

- Parts of this article were excerpted from the website of Rhode Island Hospital, a treatment facility for gambling addiction.

Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect

Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children's needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.

MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT

MYTH #1: IT'S ONLY ABUSE IF IT'S VIOLENT.

FACT: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.

MYTH #2: ONLY BAD PEOPLE ABUSE THEIR CHILDREN.

FACT: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don't know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem.

MYTH #3: CHILD ABUSE DOESN'T HAPPEN IN "GOOD" FAMILIES.

FACT: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

MYTH #4: MOST CHILD ABUSERS ARE STRANGERS.

FACT: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.

MYTH #5: ABUSED CHILDREN ALWAYS GROW UP TO BE ABUSERS.

FACT: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.

EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long-lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child's sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work, and at school. Some effects include:

1. Lack of trust and relationship difficulties. If you can't trust your parents, who can you trust? Abuse by a primary caregiver damages the most fundamental relationship as a child - that you will safely, reliably get your physical and emotional needs met by the person who is responsible for your care. Without this base, it is very difficult to learn to trust people or know who is trustworthy. This can lead to difficulty maintaining relationships due to fear of being controlled or abused. It can also lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn't know what a good relationship is.

2. Core feelings of being "worthless" or "damaged." If you've been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings. You may experience them as reality. Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don't believe they can do it or are worth more. Sexual abuse survivors, with the stigma and shame surrounding the abuse, often especially struggle with a feeling of being damaged.

3. Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways. Adult survivors of child abuse can struggle with unexplained anxiety, depression, or anger. They may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb out the painful feelings.

- Information courtesy of helpguide.org

How To Conduct Yourself In Court

When you attend court on behalf of Tri-County CASA, there are a few expectations regarding your decorum in court. They include:

1. Dress appropriately. You do not have to wear a three-piece suit. Please do take care to make sure that you are wearing something that looks professional. For men, this can include a nice pair of khaki pants and a polo shirt. For ladies, a nice pair of dress slacks and a nice shirt or a church dress.

2. Do not bring any beverages (including bottled water) or any food items into the courtroom. If you need water for a specific reason, please let your Advocate Coordinator know and a cup of water will be furnished to you.

3. In a like manner, do not chew gum or eat candy while in the courtroom.

4. When the judge enters or exits the courtroom, always stand.

5. Please do not talk or whisper in the courtroom. It is already difficult for those in attendance to hear and is rude to the judge and the other parties to the case. If you did not hear or understand something, wait until afterwards to ask the staff member who was taking notes.

6. Wait for an appropriate time to address the court - usually at the end before the judge makes his or her rulings and orders. If you are addressed by the judge, please STAND where you are, listen to the judge's question, and then answer. Refer to the judge always as "Your Honor."

7. Cell phones in the courtroom are a no-no. If you must carry one, please set it to silent or vibrate. Some judges confiscate cell phones that go off during court, not to mention the fact that a ringing cell phone is disruptive to the proceedings.

8. Do not read magazines or newspapers or flip noisily through paperwork while in court. It is very distracting. You may bring reading material with you to court to review in the hallway before court begins.

9. Be careful what you say and do in the courthouse and on the courthouse premises. You can very rightly assume that you are being watched and your words are being noted by all parties to the case or their representatives.

10. In a like manner, do not register any positive or negative remarks, gestures, or facial expressions during or after the proceedings. If you have feelings or concerns about what occurred in court, please wait until you are safely within the walls of the CASA offices to discuss those concerns or issues.

11. At all times conduct yourself in a manner that communicates respect and deference to the court, specifically the judge and his or her staff.

Working With People You Don't Like

You come to the CASA role wanting to help other people and then, as you get into the meat of the work, you find that there are some people you come into contact with that are unlikable. Some have attitudes, some do not care about CASA at all and openly express their disdain, some seem to be trying to get on your last nerve. Some are passive-aggressive and abuse their power and authority.

It's frustrating and upsetting. It's a distraction. And, it's stressful.

So, how can you work effectively with a person you don't like and still maintain your sanity?

1. Listen. Seek to understand rather than to be understood. This is really difficult for most people, especially if you do not particularly agree with the person who is speaking. But everyone deserves to be heard, and you never know, you might find a kernel of information in what they have to say.

2. Conduct yourself in a professional manner. This includes acting with courtesy and respect. There are people in this process who do not see CASA volunteers as professionals. Prove otherwise by your demeanor.

3. Collect facts and document, document, document. Factual information is the stock and trade of a CASA volunteers. The facts you collect help the court to make good decisions. Keeping good records will ensure that you can transmit factual data always.

4. Remember: your role is to represent the best interests of the child. Don't get side-tracked engaging yourself in a war with an attorney, another party to the case, or another professional. You very well may have to work with the person again.

5. Remember the old adage, "Never argue with a fool. People may have a hard time identifying which one of you it is." It is perfectly fine to say, "It is apparent that you have your opinion on the matter, and I have mine. There is really nothing more to be gained by further discussion."

6. Practice "mindfulness." Stay present in the moment. Remember why you are involved with CASA. Remember that your credibility is very high with the court. Do nothing to diminish that credibility.

7. Talk to your Advocate Coordinator about your feelings and concerns. Do not confide in the foster parents, attorneys, or other collaterals.

8. Enjoy the experience of being a CASA volunteer. Knowing that you are helping a child navigate a difficult situation helps put everything into perspective.

It's Child Abuse Prevention Month!

The following article appeared as part of a series in 2006 that was written by me for the Claremore Daily Progress in celebration of Child Abuse Prevention Month. Enjoy and share with other parents who might find this article insightful.

TIPS FOR BEING A NURTURING PARENT

A healthy, nurturing relationship between a parent and his or her child is built through countless interactions over the course of time. Being a parent requires a lot of energy and work, but the rewards are well worth it.

When it comes to being a parent, there are few absolutes and there is no one “right way.” One absolute is that all children need to be loved and feel safe. However, different parenting techniques work for different children under different circumstances. These tips are intended to provide suggestions as you discover what works best in your family. Do not expect things to be perfect; parenting is a difficult job!

HELP YOUR CHILDREN FEEL LOVED AND SECURE

• Make sure your children know you love them, even when they do something that doesn’t please you. Say “I love you” often. Other ways to communicate love include: apologizing to your child when you are wrong, telling the truth, smiling, hugging often, and saying “Good Morning!” cheerfully each morning.
• Become your child’s “cheerleader.” Encourage them. Praise their achievements and talents. Recognize the skills they are developing.
• Spend time with your children. Do things together that you both enjoy. Try a themed dinner-and-movie night; play checkers, cards, or dominos with your child; or just snuggle up on the couch with a good book.
• Listen to your children and give them the gift of your full attention.
• Learn how to use nonphysical discipline options. Many alternatives exist. Depending on your child’s age and level of development, these may include simply redirecting your child’s attention, offering choices, or using “time out.”

REALIZE THAT COMMUNITY RESOURCES ADD VALUE

Children need direct and continuing access to people with whom they can develop healthy, supportive relationships. To assist in this, parents may:

• Take your children to libraries, museums, movies, and sporting events.
• Enroll children in youth enrichment programs, such as sports or music.
• Use community services for family needs, such as parenting education classes or respite care.
• Communicate regularly with your child’s teacher or the staff of your childcare center.
• Allow your child to participate in religious or youth groups.

SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED IT

Being a parent is tough. No one expects you to know how to do it all. Challenges such as unemployment or a child with special needs can add immeasurably to family tension. If you think stress may be affecting the way you treat your child, or if you just want the extra support that most parents need at some point, try the following:

• Talk to someone you trust. Tell a friend, healthcare provider, or a leader in your faith community about what you are experiencing.
• Seek respite care when you need a break. Everyone needs time for themselves. Respite care or crisis care provides a safe place for your children so that you can take care of yourself.
• Call a helpline. Childhelp USA offers a national 24-hour hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD) for parents who need help or parenting advice.
• Seek counseling. Individual, couple, or family counseling can identify and reinforce healthy ways to communicate and parent.
• Take a parenting class. No one is born knowing how to be a good parent. It is an acquired skill. Parenting classes can give you the skills you need to raise a happy, healthy child. Locally, you can contact Family and Children's Services or the Parent Child Center of Tulsa. Additionally, your faith community may offer parenting classes, as well.

Accept help. You do not have to do it all. Graciously take offers of help from trusted family, friends, and neighbors. You will not be admitting weakness if you ask for help or a break. Everyone needs help from time to time. Do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for it if you feel that you need it.

Working Effectively with Families Impacted by Poverty

Several years ago, I attended a conference at which I was introduced to the book "Bridges Out of Poverty," by Ruby K. Payne, Ph.D., Philip DeVol, and Terie Dreussi Smith. It really is "must-read" material for CASA volunteers and anyone who is working with families impacted by generational poverty.

The book presents, in language that is clear, highly readable, and thought-provoking, a slice of what life is like for people who are living in poverty. Not all of the families we work with are poor, but I can think of several examples of families where generational poverty was one of the key issues of the case. This book helps those of us who have never experienced poverty at this level to try to understand why and how it happens and the specific challenges these families face.

For the next several weeks, I plan to blog about some of the issues and insights I gleaned from this book. I am toying with the idea of having an in-service series based upon it, and would like your input about whether or not you would be interested in participating. You can email me or leave me a comment about whether or not this would be of interest to you.

One of the most important aspects of working with families touched by generational poverty is an analysis of their support systems. We all need support systems to function in this life. Most of us have good support systems, which we often take for granted. These include: a savings account and/or a family member willing to lend money in a pinch; parents, grandparents or other trusted adults willing to care for our children in the event of an emergency; a working automobile and very often, a back-up vehicle; and other examples too numerous to mention here. You get the idea. Most of us aren't flying solo.

Linda Hall Whitman, in her book "Welfare-to-Work Management" states, "Welfare recipients can get hung up on the same everyday needs that draw from our momentum and focus: childcare, parenting, relationships, housing. But in the absence of financial or family backup, bumps can become insurmountable obstacles: reasons to miss work, or worse, quit."

In "Bridges Out of Poverty," support systems are defined as, "the friends, family, and backup resources that can be accessed in times of need." According to the book, these backup resources fall into seven general categories:

1. COPING STRATEGIES - the ways in which one copes with daily living: the disappointments, the tragedies, and the triumphs. Coping strategies are ways to think about things, attitudes, self-talk, strategies for resolving conflicts, problem-solving techniques, and the avoidance of needless conflicts. Coping strategies are also ways of approaching tasks, setting priorities, and determining what one can live with and what one can live without.

2. OPTIONS DURING PROBLEM-SOLVING - Options are all the ways to solve a problem. Even very capable adults often talk over a problem with another adult just in order to see other options they haven't considered.

3. INFORMATION AND KNOW-HOW - When a child has homework, who in the support system knows enough math to help the child? Who knows the research process? Who knows the ropes for going to college or getting a new-car loan? Who knows how to talk to the insurance agent so the situation can be clarified? Who knows how to negotiate difficult situations with a teacher and come to a resolution? Who understands the court system, the school system? Information and know-how are crucial to success.

4. TEMPORARY RELIEF FROM EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, FINANCIAL, AND/OR TIME CONSTRAINTS - When you are upset, who provides relief for you? When you aren't sure how you will get everything finished, who helps you? Who takes your children when you are desperate for a break? These people are all part of a support system.

5. CONNECTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE AND RESOURCES - When you don't have the information and know-how, who are the people you turn to for assistance? Those people are your connections. Connections to people and resources are an integral part of a healthy support system.

6. POSITIVE SELF-TALK - Everyone has a little voice inside his/her head that talks to him/her all the time. This little voice gives encouraging messages. These encouraging messages help one finish tasks, complete projects, and get through difficult situations. If an individual does not listen to this encouraging little voice, the success rate is much lower.

7. PROCEDURAL SELF-TALK - Procedural self-talk is the voice that talks an individual through a task. It is key to success. Many individuals in poverty have a very limited support system - and particularly missing is procedural self-talk. Many tasks are never finished. In numerous dealings with clients, social workers and employers often find that self-talk is simply not available to the client.

Parents who are on a track to be reunited with their children must have a support system in place to make a go of it. CASA volunteers should look at the family dynamics and find out where the resources and supports in these seven areas will come from.

A Different Perspective: Drug Addiction as Illness

In rummaging around on the Internet today, looking for something cogent upon which to write, I came across the website for the Drug Addiction Treatment Centers, which is a clearinghouse for information on treatment facilities and drug addiction.

This website suggests that the United States is using the wrong approach with addicts, and I tend to agree. Incarceration of drug addicts is not the solution. Drugs are just as readily available in our penal institutions as they are on the streets. And living in a state (Oklahoma) where our prisons are bursting at the seams, it seems a different approach may be needed.

Here's what the website has to say on the subject:

The United States Justice Department's statistics confirm that the U.S. has more prisoners than any other country in the world. In 2006, that number was 2.5 million and continues to rise. Between 2000 and 2006, the nation experienced the largest jump in incarcerations ever. Criminal justice experts attribute the exploding prison population to harsher sentencing laws, particularly those related to illegal substance possession and use.

Whether addiction is an actual disease remains a hotly debated topic - one which probably will continue. Webster's defines 'disease' as follows: "Any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady, illness; disorder". Drug addiction certainly meets that measure; show me a drug addict and I'll show you someone presenting symptoms of illness, malady and disorder.

Drug addiction is responsible for many psychological problems; including, depression, mania, violent fantasies, etc. Drug addiction leads to serious physical ailments, including heart attack, stroke, organ failure and death.

The drug addict's life most certainly is one of "dis-order"; no longer able to hold a job, relate to other human beings, to care for their personal hygiene, there is no order to be found.

The child of an addict is 3-5 times more likely to become alcoholic/addict as well; bolstering the data that suggests there is a strong genetic (medical) link. Our country is in need of a serious shift in overall thinking about how drug addicts should be treated. Incarceration does not work, plain and simple. Few states have the money (or interest) to devote to providing treatment for addicts behind bars. In fact, statistics reveal that many addictions actually grow while in prison. The availability of drugs and the need (desire) to escape leads drug addicts to use more and for those not exposed to drugs in the 'outside world' to begin using.

With no treatment available and drugs easily obtained, how can we expect our prison population to achieve and maintain sobriety? It seems we cannot; at least, not at this point. The most recent data reveals that inmates who are serving time on drug-related charges experience the highest recidivism rates of all offenders. This is because (1) they've not been given any tools to work with while in jail, (2) once they are 'on the street' again they return to old circumstances and behaviors, and (3) even among addicts participating in recovery programs, relapse is fairly common.

If we cannot appeal to Americans' compassion, perhaps we can appeal to their greed. The cost of incarcerating an addict costs 10 times more than treatment does. And people who receive proper treatment are less likely to re-offend, so the savings can be quite significant.

There is a widely-held belief in America that Holland has a permissive attitude towards drugs. It does not. Rather, the country has adopted a more practical approach. Large-scale drug trafficking is still vigorously prosecuted. Drug use, however, is considered to be a public-health issue, not a criminal one. Addicts who are caught stealing or breaking other laws are prosecuted, but they are not arrested for possession.

The statistics show the gains made by the Dutch in their handling of drug abuse. Thirty years ago the population of heroin addicts in the Netherlands was estimated to have been 25,000 to 30,000. While the country's population has grown by 6 percent in the past three decades, the number of heroin addicts has remained virtually the same. Very few new users have joined their ranks and as the "old-timers" age, they are dying off, leading to a further decline in heroin use.

Wim van den Brink, a psychiatrist at the Academic Medical Center of the University of Amsterdam, sums up the country's drug policy this way "The view is that addiction is a brain disease and it requires treatment, not incarceration". This policy is responsible for a remarkable statistic: approximately 70 percent of Holland's drug addicts are in treatment programs; only 10-15 percent of America's are.

As Program Director of Tri-County CASA, I have watched for six years as drugs and alcohol have ravaged the parents whose children our program serves. Seventy-five percent of the children we advocate for come from homes where substance abuse is the norm.

Did you see that statistic above? "The child of an addict is 3-5 times more likely to become alcoholic/addict." That gave me a cold chill.

I'd like to hear your thoughts. What do you think about this article? What ideas do you have? How do we stay within our boundaries, but also encourage parents to get well so that they can be present for their children?

An Interview With Antwone Fisher

One of my favorite books is "Finding Fish" by Antwone Quenton Fisher, a former foster child who has beaten all of the odds to become a successful author, screenwriter, and film producer. He also wrote the screenplay for the movie, "Antoine Fisher," starring Denzel Washington.

Antwone's challenges begin before he is born, when his father is killed by a girlfriend in a tragic accident. Born in prison to a single mother who has no means to care for him, he is sent to live with a foster family, where he endures near-constant verbal and physical abuse by those who shelter him. Antwone chronicles his experiences from personal memory and incorporates into his story accounts from the many caseworkers who tracked his progress and decline in the foster care system.

In his mid-teens, he leaves his foster family and enters George Junior Republic, a private institution where he begins to turn his life around. Not long after, as an emancipated minor, Antwone winds up homeless.

In order to avoid the dangers and uncertainties of life on the street, he enlists in the Navy, and he becomes a man of the world. During the course of his naval career, Antwone finally acknowledges the pain that his childhood has caused him, and he begins to deal with some of the rage that he has suppressed for many years. He creates a family for himself out of his comrades in the Navy, and he explores his own growing fascination with language and writing.

Recently, on the Harper-Collins website (the publisher of "Finding Fish"), I found this interview with Antwone Fisher:

Q. In Finding Fish, you describe your upbringing as a foster child in fairly stark terms. Do you think the foster care system is inherently flawed?

A. I would hate to sound pessimistic, but I think there are problems that can't be avoided like young people becoming social workers and deciding after a few months or a few years that they are going to do something different with their lives. That creates a situation where a kid has to get to know someone else all over again. Children arrive at a place where they don't trust the jurisdiction they are under and feel as though they are alone in their circumstance and that the social workers are only strangers passing through.

Another area of concern would be lack of resources for programs that could improve lives of children in foster care and educate the public to the need of good foster parents and adoptive parents and many other areas in this matter. I think that it's not a great enough priority to the powers that be to provide better lives for children in these unfortunate situations.

There are a lot of problems that would be solved if only the community would become more involved and volunteer to be mentors and extended family to foster children. I think that a child who is in foster care for two and three years, with no real feeling of permanence in a family will feel unwanted in the world. Adoption should be an option for those children.

Q. What was it like for you to read the reports of social workers and psychologists charting your experience in foster care? Why did you decide to include those third-person accounts in your memoir?

A. It was enlightening to read what my social workers had described in my childhood records. Reading their details was confirmation; it was proof that I hadn't dreamt the whole thing. That foster family actually existed.

I used the records in my memoir to validate my memory to others.

Q. Did reuniting with the Elkins and Fisher families change the way that you think about your place in the world?

A. Meeting the Fishers and Elkins made me more confident in my being. Finally, I had living proof that I came from somewhere. Yes, it makes me know that I have a place in the world and that I belong to something.

Q. Would you characterize yourself as a survivor? To what do you attribute your will to persevere in the face of the many obstacles of your childhood?

A. I suppose I would consider myself a survivor. We are all survivors in life; even people who have had better childhoods. You survive. I don't like the idea of saying survivor because it makes me feel handicapped. Feeling handicapped makes me feel that I am not as capable of succeeding as others. I've come to realize the power of words and I would rather not use that word in reference to myself. Call it pretending, but it works for me.

I was able to persevere because I wanted to be normal like I felt everyone else was. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to live. I never wanted the negative things my foster mother said about me to be true. I wanted to show others and myself that I am worthwhile.

Q. Did you ever learn what became of your first foster mother, Mrs. Strange? Did the publication of your memoir enable encounters with any other "lost" figures from your past?

A. While filming the movie, Antwone Fisher, in Cleveland, someone who knew Mrs. Strange had read the book and brought me her picture and told me that she had died some years ago.

I think I have met and reconnected with everyone that I felt I had lost. Everyone who was meaningful to me in someway. Even some members of my foster family showed up at book signings in Cleveland and in Florida. That was really bizarre. The most interesting encounters were reacquainting with my childhood friends such as Michael Shields, Sonya, Fat Kenny, and Freda. One of the saddest discoveries was that my foster sister, Flo, died in the spring of 1999, lonely and unfulfilled, of a brain aneurism. It broke my heart.

Q. The story of your life is not only the subject of this memoir, but also of a major motion picture. What aspects of your newfound fame have you found especially rewarding or challenging?

A. The most rewarding aspect of having a memoir and film about my life is that opportunity to write more, I would think. Having a voice, after growing up voiceless is a real accomplishment and I feel good about where I am. There haven't been very many challenges simply because people don't know what I look like, but I am still basically shy, so having to speak in front of people is challenging.

Tri-County CASA volunteers, if you have not, please take some time to read "Finding Fish" and/or to watch the movie "Antwone Fisher." A few years ago, Antwone Fisher spoke at a National CASA Conference, and he acknowledged that he would have benefitted greatly from having had a CASA volunteer.

So, when you feel as though the work you do is not terribly important to the world, think about what would happen if you weren't engaged in the work you are doing. You DO make a difference!

- Biographical information and interview with Antwone Fisher courtesy of the Harper-Collins website.

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

You're probably scratching your head over today's post and wondering, "What in the world does the movie 'Beetlejuice' have to do with CASA work?"

If you've seen the movie, you will remember that the main characters, Adam and Barbara Maitland, are killed in a car accident. After their death, they return to their New England farmhouse unaware of their new "undead" status, until the Deetzes, a hip, art-nouveau family moves in and starts making major changes to the Maitland's home.

The Maitland's take up residence in what was their attic, where they plot ways in which to drive the Deetz family away. In one of the scenes, Adam Maitland is working with a diorama, a small-scale replica of all of the buildings, roads, and land features of the quiet New England town they used to inhabit. Oh, and Beetlejuice, a two-bit, filthy ghost (bio-exorcist) has taken up residence in the diorama's cemetery, but that's another story for another day.

Back to the diorama...and my point. Think of the Beetlejuice diorama as your CASA case. You have all of the cast of characters identified. You've seen the environments in which these characters live and operate. You have a sense of the family's history. You're watching to see what the parties are doing and what they are not doing. You are not unlike an "eye in the sky," keeping tabs on what is happening with the case and bringing a report of those activities back to court when it's time.

This diorama example is a perfect representation of the CASA volunteer's boundary for involvement with the family. As a CASA, your role is not to effect any change on the parties to the case, but rather to watch and observe any and all changes and to report back to the judge regarding any progress that is being made.

This is a difficult proposition, because, after all, we're CASA volunteers. We signed up to help people. However, the CASA volunteer is only able to help the children on the case, not the parents.

Think about it. The parents are involved in a court intervention program because they need to identify weaknesses in their home environment. Recognition of these deficits is the first step in gaining the skills to correct the conditions that brought their children into care and to be a better parent for their children.

If the involved parties (DHS, CASA, the judge, the attorneys) make it too easy (i.e. doing the work for the parent), then those parents will learn very little and will be completely clueless when reunification time rolls around. Children who are reunified into these homes are much more likely to come back into temporary custody, with disasterous results.

Remember the diorama and your CASA boundaries!

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

It's not a stretch to characterize the home where domestic violence is present as a "war zone." All members of the family are on "high alert" waiting for the next blow-up. Children in these homes become hypervigilant processors of facial expressions, voice inflection, and body language.

According to the American Psychological Association, each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members. Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence.

A child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk factor for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Boys who witness the abuse of mothers by fathers are more likely to become men who batter in adulthood than boys from homes free of violence.

Furthermore, older children are frequently assaulted when they intervene to defend or protect their mothers. In 1988, a landmark 36-month study was conducted. The study followed 146 children, ages 11-17 who came from homes where there was domestic violence, and found that all sons over the age of 14 attempted to protect their mothers from attacks. Some 62 percent were injured in the process.

Child abuse occurs in 30 to 60 percent of family violence cases that involve families with children. A survey of 6,000 American families found that 50 percent of men who assault their wives also abuse their children. Some 80 percent of child fatilities within the family are attributable to fathers or father surrogates.

One study, by researchers Ackerman and Pickering stated: "Families under stress produce children under stress. If a spouse is being abused and there are children in the home, the children are affected by the abuse."

Children from homes where violence is the norm experience: (1) the control of the family by one dominant member; (2) abuse of a parent; (3) isolation; and (4) the need to protect the "family secret."

Children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who are not. Recent research indicates that children who witness domestic violence show more anxiety, low self esteem, depression, anger and temperament problems than children who do not witness violence in the home. The trauma they experience can show up in emotional, behavioral, social and physical disturbances that effect their development and can continue into adulthood.

Some of the potential effects include:

- Grief for family and personal losses
- Shame, guilt, and self blame
- Confusion about conflicting feelings toward his or her parents
- Fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the unknown or personal injury
- Anger
- Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness
- Embarrassment
- Acting out or withdrawing
- Aggressive or passive behaviors
- Refusing to go to school
- Care taking; acting as a parent substitute
- Lying to avoid confrontation
- Rigid defenses
- Excessive attention seeking
- Bedwetting and nightmares
- Out of control behavior
- Reduced intellectual competency
- Manipulation, dependency, mood swings
- Isolation from friends and relatives
- Stormy relationships
- Difficulty in trusting, especially adults
- Poor anger management and problem solving skills
- Excessive social involvement to avoid home
- Passivity with peers or bullying
- Engaged in exploitative relationships as the perpetrator or victim
- Somatic complaints, such as headaches and stomachaches
- Nervous, anxious, short attention span
- Tired and lethargic
- Frequently ill
- Poor personal hygiene
- Regression in development
- High risk play
- Self abuse

As a CASA volunteer, you can successfully advocate for child victims of domestic violence by keeping a few key points in mind. Trust is a major factor when working with children exposed to domestic violence, so take your time and ease into the relationship. Rapport may come slowly. Children need a safe place with an adult they can trust to begin healing.

When first working with a child, it is helpful to ask what makes him or her feel comfortable and uncomfortable with adults. Listen to the child and provide him or her with space and respect.

Let children know that you care about them, and that there are adults, including the judge, who are interested in their opinions, thoughts and ideas. Using books on the subject can help open children up. Likewise, using art, music, drama, and play can help children express themselves.

Connect children to organizations in the community that work with youth, if an outlet is needed. Help the child develop an age-appropriate and realistic safety plan. Make reference to the child's need for professional counseling, as needed.

Tell them often that you care and that you are there for them.

Domestic Violence: A Vicious Circle

It's long been held that those who engage in spousal abuse have anger issues that cause them to act in a violent, out-of-control manner. Although the actions of the abuser can, indeed, be violent, it is a mistake to think that he or she is out-of-control. In fact, domestic violence is all about control - the abuser controlling his or her victim. Please note that for the remainder of this article, we shall use the pronoun "she" to describe the victim for the purposes of brevity, but both males and females can be victims of domestic violence.

Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate and exert their power:

Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel "in charge" of the relationship. They will make decisions for her and the family, tell her what to do, and expect her to obey without question. The abuser may treat the victim like a servant, child, or even as a possession.

Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he can to make her feel bad about herself or defective in some way. After all, if she believes she is worthless and that no one else will want to be in a relationship with her, she's less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode her self-esteem and make her feel powerless.

Isolation – In order to increase her dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut her off from the outside world. He may keep her from seeing family or friends, or even prevent her from going to work or school. She may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. The abuser may threaten to hurt or kill her, the children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against her, or report her to child services.

Intimidation – The abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare her into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of her, destroying property, hurting her pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if she doesn't obey, there will be violent consequences.

Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. The abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility on to her: Somehow, his violent and abusive behavior is her fault.

As a CASA volunteer, it is important to educate yourself regarding the dynamics of domestic violence. It is rare for a batterer (and sometimes even the victim) to acknowledge that spousal abuse occurs in their home. Knowing the signs and symptoms is important, as is using caution and good judgment when dealing with parents who either are or have been in an abusive relationship.

The progress of the parents on your caseload is much less about what is SAID, and more about what is DONE. Actions, not intentions, often tell the tale.

Children cannot live in a violent environment. The statistics regarding the effects of violence on a child's development are well-documented in a number of studies. When children are involved, reunification with one or both of the parents can only occur when the violent relationship is ended. Intensive treatment for both the batterer and the victim are a must.