The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

It's not a stretch to characterize the home where domestic violence is present as a "war zone." All members of the family are on "high alert" waiting for the next blow-up. Children in these homes become hypervigilant processors of facial expressions, voice inflection, and body language.

According to the American Psychological Association, each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members. Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence.

A child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk factor for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Boys who witness the abuse of mothers by fathers are more likely to become men who batter in adulthood than boys from homes free of violence.

Furthermore, older children are frequently assaulted when they intervene to defend or protect their mothers. In 1988, a landmark 36-month study was conducted. The study followed 146 children, ages 11-17 who came from homes where there was domestic violence, and found that all sons over the age of 14 attempted to protect their mothers from attacks. Some 62 percent were injured in the process.

Child abuse occurs in 30 to 60 percent of family violence cases that involve families with children. A survey of 6,000 American families found that 50 percent of men who assault their wives also abuse their children. Some 80 percent of child fatilities within the family are attributable to fathers or father surrogates.

One study, by researchers Ackerman and Pickering stated: "Families under stress produce children under stress. If a spouse is being abused and there are children in the home, the children are affected by the abuse."

Children from homes where violence is the norm experience: (1) the control of the family by one dominant member; (2) abuse of a parent; (3) isolation; and (4) the need to protect the "family secret."

Children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who are not. Recent research indicates that children who witness domestic violence show more anxiety, low self esteem, depression, anger and temperament problems than children who do not witness violence in the home. The trauma they experience can show up in emotional, behavioral, social and physical disturbances that effect their development and can continue into adulthood.

Some of the potential effects include:

- Grief for family and personal losses
- Shame, guilt, and self blame
- Confusion about conflicting feelings toward his or her parents
- Fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the unknown or personal injury
- Anger
- Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness
- Embarrassment
- Acting out or withdrawing
- Aggressive or passive behaviors
- Refusing to go to school
- Care taking; acting as a parent substitute
- Lying to avoid confrontation
- Rigid defenses
- Excessive attention seeking
- Bedwetting and nightmares
- Out of control behavior
- Reduced intellectual competency
- Manipulation, dependency, mood swings
- Isolation from friends and relatives
- Stormy relationships
- Difficulty in trusting, especially adults
- Poor anger management and problem solving skills
- Excessive social involvement to avoid home
- Passivity with peers or bullying
- Engaged in exploitative relationships as the perpetrator or victim
- Somatic complaints, such as headaches and stomachaches
- Nervous, anxious, short attention span
- Tired and lethargic
- Frequently ill
- Poor personal hygiene
- Regression in development
- High risk play
- Self abuse

As a CASA volunteer, you can successfully advocate for child victims of domestic violence by keeping a few key points in mind. Trust is a major factor when working with children exposed to domestic violence, so take your time and ease into the relationship. Rapport may come slowly. Children need a safe place with an adult they can trust to begin healing.

When first working with a child, it is helpful to ask what makes him or her feel comfortable and uncomfortable with adults. Listen to the child and provide him or her with space and respect.

Let children know that you care about them, and that there are adults, including the judge, who are interested in their opinions, thoughts and ideas. Using books on the subject can help open children up. Likewise, using art, music, drama, and play can help children express themselves.

Connect children to organizations in the community that work with youth, if an outlet is needed. Help the child develop an age-appropriate and realistic safety plan. Make reference to the child's need for professional counseling, as needed.

Tell them often that you care and that you are there for them.

Domestic Violence: A Vicious Circle

It's long been held that those who engage in spousal abuse have anger issues that cause them to act in a violent, out-of-control manner. Although the actions of the abuser can, indeed, be violent, it is a mistake to think that he or she is out-of-control. In fact, domestic violence is all about control - the abuser controlling his or her victim. Please note that for the remainder of this article, we shall use the pronoun "she" to describe the victim for the purposes of brevity, but both males and females can be victims of domestic violence.

Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate and exert their power:

Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel "in charge" of the relationship. They will make decisions for her and the family, tell her what to do, and expect her to obey without question. The abuser may treat the victim like a servant, child, or even as a possession.

Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he can to make her feel bad about herself or defective in some way. After all, if she believes she is worthless and that no one else will want to be in a relationship with her, she's less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode her self-esteem and make her feel powerless.

Isolation – In order to increase her dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut her off from the outside world. He may keep her from seeing family or friends, or even prevent her from going to work or school. She may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. The abuser may threaten to hurt or kill her, the children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against her, or report her to child services.

Intimidation – The abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare her into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of her, destroying property, hurting her pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if she doesn't obey, there will be violent consequences.

Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. The abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility on to her: Somehow, his violent and abusive behavior is her fault.

As a CASA volunteer, it is important to educate yourself regarding the dynamics of domestic violence. It is rare for a batterer (and sometimes even the victim) to acknowledge that spousal abuse occurs in their home. Knowing the signs and symptoms is important, as is using caution and good judgment when dealing with parents who either are or have been in an abusive relationship.

The progress of the parents on your caseload is much less about what is SAID, and more about what is DONE. Actions, not intentions, often tell the tale.

Children cannot live in a violent environment. The statistics regarding the effects of violence on a child's development are well-documented in a number of studies. When children are involved, reunification with one or both of the parents can only occur when the violent relationship is ended. Intensive treatment for both the batterer and the victim are a must.