How To Conduct Yourself In Court

When you attend court on behalf of Tri-County CASA, there are a few expectations regarding your decorum in court. They include:

1. Dress appropriately. You do not have to wear a three-piece suit. Please do take care to make sure that you are wearing something that looks professional. For men, this can include a nice pair of khaki pants and a polo shirt. For ladies, a nice pair of dress slacks and a nice shirt or a church dress.

2. Do not bring any beverages (including bottled water) or any food items into the courtroom. If you need water for a specific reason, please let your Advocate Coordinator know and a cup of water will be furnished to you.

3. In a like manner, do not chew gum or eat candy while in the courtroom.

4. When the judge enters or exits the courtroom, always stand.

5. Please do not talk or whisper in the courtroom. It is already difficult for those in attendance to hear and is rude to the judge and the other parties to the case. If you did not hear or understand something, wait until afterwards to ask the staff member who was taking notes.

6. Wait for an appropriate time to address the court - usually at the end before the judge makes his or her rulings and orders. If you are addressed by the judge, please STAND where you are, listen to the judge's question, and then answer. Refer to the judge always as "Your Honor."

7. Cell phones in the courtroom are a no-no. If you must carry one, please set it to silent or vibrate. Some judges confiscate cell phones that go off during court, not to mention the fact that a ringing cell phone is disruptive to the proceedings.

8. Do not read magazines or newspapers or flip noisily through paperwork while in court. It is very distracting. You may bring reading material with you to court to review in the hallway before court begins.

9. Be careful what you say and do in the courthouse and on the courthouse premises. You can very rightly assume that you are being watched and your words are being noted by all parties to the case or their representatives.

10. In a like manner, do not register any positive or negative remarks, gestures, or facial expressions during or after the proceedings. If you have feelings or concerns about what occurred in court, please wait until you are safely within the walls of the CASA offices to discuss those concerns or issues.

11. At all times conduct yourself in a manner that communicates respect and deference to the court, specifically the judge and his or her staff.

Working With People You Don't Like

You come to the CASA role wanting to help other people and then, as you get into the meat of the work, you find that there are some people you come into contact with that are unlikable. Some have attitudes, some do not care about CASA at all and openly express their disdain, some seem to be trying to get on your last nerve. Some are passive-aggressive and abuse their power and authority.

It's frustrating and upsetting. It's a distraction. And, it's stressful.

So, how can you work effectively with a person you don't like and still maintain your sanity?

1. Listen. Seek to understand rather than to be understood. This is really difficult for most people, especially if you do not particularly agree with the person who is speaking. But everyone deserves to be heard, and you never know, you might find a kernel of information in what they have to say.

2. Conduct yourself in a professional manner. This includes acting with courtesy and respect. There are people in this process who do not see CASA volunteers as professionals. Prove otherwise by your demeanor.

3. Collect facts and document, document, document. Factual information is the stock and trade of a CASA volunteers. The facts you collect help the court to make good decisions. Keeping good records will ensure that you can transmit factual data always.

4. Remember: your role is to represent the best interests of the child. Don't get side-tracked engaging yourself in a war with an attorney, another party to the case, or another professional. You very well may have to work with the person again.

5. Remember the old adage, "Never argue with a fool. People may have a hard time identifying which one of you it is." It is perfectly fine to say, "It is apparent that you have your opinion on the matter, and I have mine. There is really nothing more to be gained by further discussion."

6. Practice "mindfulness." Stay present in the moment. Remember why you are involved with CASA. Remember that your credibility is very high with the court. Do nothing to diminish that credibility.

7. Talk to your Advocate Coordinator about your feelings and concerns. Do not confide in the foster parents, attorneys, or other collaterals.

8. Enjoy the experience of being a CASA volunteer. Knowing that you are helping a child navigate a difficult situation helps put everything into perspective.

It's Child Abuse Prevention Month!

The following article appeared as part of a series in 2006 that was written by me for the Claremore Daily Progress in celebration of Child Abuse Prevention Month. Enjoy and share with other parents who might find this article insightful.

TIPS FOR BEING A NURTURING PARENT

A healthy, nurturing relationship between a parent and his or her child is built through countless interactions over the course of time. Being a parent requires a lot of energy and work, but the rewards are well worth it.

When it comes to being a parent, there are few absolutes and there is no one “right way.” One absolute is that all children need to be loved and feel safe. However, different parenting techniques work for different children under different circumstances. These tips are intended to provide suggestions as you discover what works best in your family. Do not expect things to be perfect; parenting is a difficult job!

HELP YOUR CHILDREN FEEL LOVED AND SECURE

• Make sure your children know you love them, even when they do something that doesn’t please you. Say “I love you” often. Other ways to communicate love include: apologizing to your child when you are wrong, telling the truth, smiling, hugging often, and saying “Good Morning!” cheerfully each morning.
• Become your child’s “cheerleader.” Encourage them. Praise their achievements and talents. Recognize the skills they are developing.
• Spend time with your children. Do things together that you both enjoy. Try a themed dinner-and-movie night; play checkers, cards, or dominos with your child; or just snuggle up on the couch with a good book.
• Listen to your children and give them the gift of your full attention.
• Learn how to use nonphysical discipline options. Many alternatives exist. Depending on your child’s age and level of development, these may include simply redirecting your child’s attention, offering choices, or using “time out.”

REALIZE THAT COMMUNITY RESOURCES ADD VALUE

Children need direct and continuing access to people with whom they can develop healthy, supportive relationships. To assist in this, parents may:

• Take your children to libraries, museums, movies, and sporting events.
• Enroll children in youth enrichment programs, such as sports or music.
• Use community services for family needs, such as parenting education classes or respite care.
• Communicate regularly with your child’s teacher or the staff of your childcare center.
• Allow your child to participate in religious or youth groups.

SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED IT

Being a parent is tough. No one expects you to know how to do it all. Challenges such as unemployment or a child with special needs can add immeasurably to family tension. If you think stress may be affecting the way you treat your child, or if you just want the extra support that most parents need at some point, try the following:

• Talk to someone you trust. Tell a friend, healthcare provider, or a leader in your faith community about what you are experiencing.
• Seek respite care when you need a break. Everyone needs time for themselves. Respite care or crisis care provides a safe place for your children so that you can take care of yourself.
• Call a helpline. Childhelp USA offers a national 24-hour hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD) for parents who need help or parenting advice.
• Seek counseling. Individual, couple, or family counseling can identify and reinforce healthy ways to communicate and parent.
• Take a parenting class. No one is born knowing how to be a good parent. It is an acquired skill. Parenting classes can give you the skills you need to raise a happy, healthy child. Locally, you can contact Family and Children's Services or the Parent Child Center of Tulsa. Additionally, your faith community may offer parenting classes, as well.

Accept help. You do not have to do it all. Graciously take offers of help from trusted family, friends, and neighbors. You will not be admitting weakness if you ask for help or a break. Everyone needs help from time to time. Do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for it if you feel that you need it.